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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Am I being too sensitive?
Post Info TOPIC: Am I being too sensitive?
WakingUp


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Am I being too sensitive?
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So I'm the new literature person for my meeting, beginning the 1st week in January.  The first week I tried to talk with the previous literature person, and she just basically said that I was to tell people that we have newcomer packs and other great literature, see me at the break.  I can ad lib beyond that if I want, but that's basically it.  I asked about the box that holds the literature and she said that a cleanup person takes it upstairs after the meeting.  I just need to be sure everything is back in the box before then.


So.  Last week one of the old timers got a bit snarky with me because we were out of newcomer packs.  We had been out for weeks and I was still trailing behind the previous literature person trying to find out how much we could spend from the treasury, what literature she usually orders besides newcomer packs, etc. 


This week one of the others, not so old, told me that I couldn't just walk out after the meeting -- I need to take my box upstairs.  I said oh, okay, I thought the cleanup person did that?  She said 'they're not here, you need to do it.' I said okay, where upstairs.  They didn't know, so I tracked down someone who did, and followed them upstairs to see where it goes.


Now I know I tend to overreact.  Okay okay, I overreact a LOT -- not on the outside, but on the inside.  Last night after the meeting I was considering .... get this, not just resigning as literature person, not just finding a different meeting to attend, but quitting Al-Anon altogether.  Now I do know that's a bit extreme.  But really, nobody got snarky with me until I took on this stupid service position!


Just had to vent.  Feedback appreciated.



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canadianguy


~*Service Worker*~

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Sometimes.... those "stupid service positions" have a way of helping us through what we really need to work on..... for me, it was humility.... perhaps for you, it is being overly sensitive.....  who knows?


From what you have described, it sounds like you were not particularly well trained, when you accepted the position, and that some of the others in your group are pretty pushy... 


I don't like the alternative of "quitting Al-Anon" over this, as it is far too important to consider as an option....  What about kindly offering the role to these people, who seem so adept at doing it themselves?  They will almost certainly decline, but it may help you "set a boundary" with them, in that you are doing service, and NOT being their personal whupping person...


Just my opinion


Tom



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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
kissers


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No, you are not being too sensitive. Someone is not doing their part and you were left to clean it up. Can you say something to everyone after you tell them about the literature...something like, "The cleanup person has not shown up so if anyone would be interested in taking the position please let me know after the meeting?" Just a thought. You have every right to feel angry because you were not treated with respect and wound up doing someone else's job. You ARE worthy of being treated with respect. Do NOT ignore your feelings. Isn't that what happened to all of us growing up? We were told our feelings were wrong. Take back your power and stand up for yourself.....say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean.

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Christy


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((wakingup))

My suggestion is just to ask. I would say something like...I would like to do this job correctly but have had some difficulty getting direction as to what exactly this position entails. If anyone would like to give me the details I'd sure appreciate it.
In our meetings they ask if anyone has any new business..that'd be a great time to do it.
Once you ask, you've done your part. For those who want to be a bit snarky, if they don't offer assistance, it's going to be difficult to complain.

GL
Christy

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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them.  And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
bobump


~*Service Worker*~

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Waking up....


I saw this cartoon last week and your post reminded me of it.  LOL


http://www.recoverycartoons.com/html/classics/servicerep.html


Bob



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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are!  (added by me...in that special alanon way)
WakingUp


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Great cartoon, Bob!  I had been flying under the radar until now.  I probably won't quit. I may talk to one of the other old timers with whom I feel comfortable and ask her what she thinks the job entails.

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krise


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I agree with Tom's statement that the jobs we are given often help us through what we need to work on.  Recovery and growth is not comfortable . . . when we are challenged and feeling the things you describe, it usually does indicate we are in growth mode . . . a good time to ask our HP how to move forward and what we need to learn from this experience.  As the wife, daughter, niece, and granddaughter of A's (whew, they're all around me!) part of survival has been trying to avoid conflict and seeking to make the mood around me and those with me calm.  But it is often in times of feeling pain or conflict that we recognize a boundary of ours has been invaded or that a change needs to be made in our character, etc. 


I think spouses of A's are always labeled "overly sensitive," simply because we have a feeling about something.  We are often told we are crazy for what we are feeling or thinking, so we stop trusting ourselves.  The thing is, to not overreact to a "feeling," but figure out what it is telling us and then move on to an appropriate response.


Good luck,


Kris



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