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i feel bad for something i said. my last words to my father were that "you are going to die alone!" that was after he said he would rather drink than see his family. i feel kind of bad for what i said. my bro thinks it was wrong to say, but i truely feel that way and felt like i just wanted him to know. i know that my comment just rolled off his shoulders (my dad hates confrintation). but now, weeks later every now and then the comment goes through my mind. i refuse to call him, & to apologize b/c i don't want to. i am too stubborn and too angry to speak to him. he thinks i will eventually cave in, so he is just waiting. i just wish it could roll off my shoulders like it does with him. CURSE A GOOD CONSCIENCE
I understand how you feel. My dad was an abusive alcoholic. Didn't abuse me but did my mom. He used to say the cruelest most horrible things to her such as *I hope you rot with cancer and die* My mom was such a sweet woman and it killed me to hear her treated that way. I remember one day when I was about 17 and my father made some remark like that to her I screamed at him *No YOU are gonna be the one who dies a miserable death from cancer, NOT my mother* Well, a few short months later he was diagnosed with lukemia and he did in fact die within that year. I knew my words didn't cause him to become sick but nonetheless I did feel guilt over it.
I also get mad at myself at times for my conscience. That I always think of others feelings and feel guilty if I've said something to hurt someone. But when you really think about it having a conscience is a GOOD thing. It's what separates us from others.
Forgiving others for what they've done wrong isn't so much for them as it is for us. Holding onto a resentment toward someone is the same as drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. The only one we're hurting is ourselves.
I was able to let go of a lot of my resentments by working step 4 with my sponsor. This program really does work in all areas of our lives IF we work it.
__________________
Kathy S --
~*I trust my Higher Power that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my life today.*~
I so totally know how u feel! My 18 yr old nephew was a complete A. He was high or drunk 90% of the time. He told me his life's goal was to be f-ed up all of the time. That he was proud to be a stoner and that was all he wanted to be. The last time I saw him I told him I predicted he would be in jail or dead within 6 months. The following April he was killed in a car accident. His death has totally destroyed my sister and her husband's life. He was their only son. If I could take those harsh words back I would. They did not help the situation. I can only hope he knew how much I loved him because I did not tell him that. I agree with Kathy..forgiveness is for ourselves.
Flintfeet - speaking your mind is not a crime . And I doubt if it rolled off his back, his retort was he would rather drink than have his family. I don't beleive that - but alcoholics have to convince themselves that they do. depending on the stage the alcoholc is at he possibly believes he can't stop drinking , alcohol is what get him thru the day. To most life with out alcohol is not possible ( disease tells them its true) and fear often keeps them trying to stop.
This is a disease no man in his right m ind would choose a bottle over his family, this is a 3 fold disease mental - physical - and spiritual. takes the man and leaves someone behind we don't' even know.
Very diff for family to watch someone u love killing them selves - I hope u will consider attending al anon meetings f2f they will help alot. You will learn alittle about the disease of alcoholism and alot about yourself . (which is a good thing) Learning to love the alcoholic again was a gift I found here we were able to have a relationship regardless of what he was doing. I learned to set boundaries for myself so that I no longer am hurt by others behavior.
Love the man Hate the disease works for me. good luck Louise
i have said WORSE...and if it is the truth!! speaking my mind......not "soul" assasination???? i don't worry........i dont' think it is wrong to tell the truth...its not like u said a "wish" for something bad to happen...u just said "ur going to die alone"....which is only incorrect in my opinion....we never die alone becuz we ALL have our own inner higher power and god with us when we die.......don't worry, i said my eldist brother will die from his drinking w/out having me as his younger sister cuz of all the abuse.....he condemned me for getting into recovery and airing the "dirty laundry" well tooo bad!!! i told my sister, that he will "die and i won't even acknowledge he is my brother" and thats the truth...am i sorry??? no!! i didn't curse him...i did not wish he rot in hell or someting...i just told my sister that he will keep making bad karma with his hate and his denial, and his treatment of me and i will let "what goes around come around".....u r ok.....isn't it true, though,...we GOOD souls always feel bad when we even THINK we have hurt someone...and the negative ones could give a crap......rosie
I agree with Kathy..forgiveness is for ourselves.