I have four sons, although two are grown and moved out, I always let the schools know what was going on.  Like, when my father passed away, when their father and I seperated and divorced, when their father came out, when I re-married, when their step brother died, and most recently let the 14 yr old's school know that one of the older boys is being deployed to Iraq.  It doesn't excuse their behavior but changes in our lives, even as adults cause behavior changes.  I have always found that teachers and counselors can be more understanding and supportive if they know what's going on.  Hang in there.

Hugs Mary

Hi, big changes happening!
I too would let the school know what's up, with one caution. It's late enough in the year for you to have some sense of how professional your son's teacher is. If she is not very professional, use some discretion as to what you say. Most teachers will really come through for a kid who is having trouble at home, but there are some who will let their own attitudes and prejudices colour their response to the child. You probably have an idea as to what kind she is, by now.
I find, working with kids, that it is very easy to tell which kids are going through something big at home - I have never yet been surprised by news of a divorce, for instance. Instead it's more of a "OK, so THAT'S what it is". A good teacher will cut your kid a little slack just now, if she knows that there is pressure at home.

I just wanted to say something quick about the paper eating - I have found that sometimes when we let a parent know that something is going on with their kid, they get a kind of "hunted" look in the eye - "Oh, no, I'm expected to deal with this, and don't know what to do!" Most likely, she was just keeping you up to date, and doesn't really expect any action from you about this. After all, though it can be a kind of acting out, it's a pretty harmless one. If she's a good teacher, she is not BLAMING you for this, or expecting anything from you about it.

Have you considered maybe getting them into some counseling to help them adjust to the changes going on right now?  Kids tend to blame themselves and we don't even realize it.  In their little minds they tend to think if only I had behaved better, or did better in school or whatever.......this wouldn't be happening.  Maybe reassure them that what's going on right now has nothing to do with them.  Explain that sometimes adults go through things that are hard to understand, but that both you and their dad love them very much.  Something along those lines maybe.

From my experience I wouldn't share too many personal details with the school.  They can get TOO involved in your personal life sometimes, if you know what i mean.  I think it would suffice to say that you are going through some family issues and major changes at home and that you believe this is the reason for your sons acting out.  Let them know you are aware of the changes in your sons behavior and are on top of it.  Maybe he could even see the school guidance counselor?  Just some suggestions......