The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i was on the phone the other night with a good friend of mine. i have had the itch to try teaching as a career, and we were talking about it. i have this itch about three or four times a year, but i have yet to act on it. as usual, i dismissed it. i actually said, out loud, to her: "i couldn't do that. my marriage is great and all, but if it ever flopped i wouldn't make enough to support myself and my kids around here."
in my mind, i remember lack of finances was my mother's reason for not removing my brother and i from the chaos of our house growing up. and somewhere along the line, i vowed i would never put myself in the same position. how quickly i forget how many times i have tripped over that misguided vow in my life.
so, it was a couple of minutes before my friend, voice of logic that she is, popped in to say, "but kristen, you don't have any kids...?"
oh yeah, that. she's right, i don't. there i go again, protecting people that don't even exist...lol
someone on this board once told me to imagine myself as standing inside a hula hoop. i'm only responsible for what's inside the hoop. everything outside the hoop, she told me, could take care of itself.
ah, good reminder. perhaps i should keep the focus on my (current) hoop. the only thing standing in it is me. i suppose if i someday need to fit kids inside that hoop, i'll figure out what i need to do to do it.
Your not the only one that puts the cart before the horse. I've thought a few times to myself, I don't want to get in another relatonship until I have a decent amount of recovery. I want to break the patterns and have my head on straight.
Hello? Bob? Your married, what new relationship. Duh! I guess I know what direction I'm thinking I should be heading, even if I'm in a holding pattern. What I need to worry about is recovery for me, today, odat.
Sometimes I need to play Donkey Kong and get a swift kick in my ass.
Bob
__________________
You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
I like the hula hoop image, too, and it makes sense in every day life. Nothing wrong with taking one step at a time toward the goal you want. Saying you want to teach is one thing, but taking the steps, one class at a time, is a good way to go. Then if you change your mind partway, you've lost nothing. It is so easy to get ahead of ourselves. And so easy, I've found, for us to repeat - as if they were ultimate reality - the very same thoughts our families surrounded us with when we were growing up. Awareness, acceptance, action... that's what my sponsor says to me! Blessings to you, and good luck. Sounds like a time of rich learnings. mebjk
