The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
If Principles are more important than anything, then healing is what we ought to be focused on. If someone comes into chat they ought to be embraced when they are reaching out, having a nervous breakdown or are feeling hopeless or suicidal, not told, "to go away" as I have witnessed in chat & have even been belittled myself there.
We are all sick ppl trying to get well. None of us are psychologists or psychiatrsits, we are ppl sharing our ESH from a painful & real experiences of this disease first hand.
I think we all need to take a kinder & gentler approach to each other in chat & not be so hard-nosed. Therein lies compassionate understanding. I have been abused... I don't go to chat looking to be picked on, ridiculed or demeaned.
We are ALL individuals with our own perceptions & opinions ~ wtvr any of us says, is just that ~ our opinion at that moment. I think everyone needs to cool down, chill out, let go of their "controlling issues" & live & let live ~ live & let heal.
As far as rates of growth speed (ha!) that is between the individual & their God as they understand it. Twenty years ago, I worked throught the steps pretty fast, inititally, only to re-work them time & time again. I was ONLY able to go "quickly" because I already had a strong belief & faith in God. I knew my life was out of control... the personal inventory & making amends was the hard part (for me).
We all have our own issues with this disease & life lessons to deal with. Who are any of us to say, that what works for someone is no good - to me that is judgemental - saying "good/bad". We are spiritual beings & it is highly personal. I do not believe we ought to be attacking each other whatsoever. Just talking about the program & giving each other strength. We may not all agree on how we express ourselves but we all want to put our egos to rest ~ get to the heart of our cores & make painful changes.
At least to me, this is what the Program is all about, IMHO. So many ppl don't even want to face themselves let alone acknolwedge, have the willingness & courage to change, share gut-wrenching pain, feel it again w/ witnesses, forgive & move on.
I am not going to be abused and I will continue to love as unconditionally as I can but no longer at the expense of my own being.
love, -K
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
As I have said before, we need to stop before we hit that enter key. There is no taking it back. I have seen a lot of miss understandings lately. And we all need to QTIP
Quit Taking It Personally
A lot of times conversations get confused and comments ment for one are taken by another.
We are all sick, some sicker than others, and we all come together for the common purpose of ESH. We may not all agree all the time, but we are all for the common good at heart.
Please also remember some rules our not ours, John's or MIP's, but are designated by the World Service Organization in regards to having online Alanon, AA chats. These rules were set in place for our safety.
If you ever have a problem or feel uncomfortable please bring it to a room moderators attention.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
(((((((((((((((((Kitty my friend)))))))))))))))))))))))))))),
Don't mind me adding my two cents . I just want to say that in 15 months that I have been here, I've never seen anyone be unkind to another ~ and boy am I glad for that.
I do like QTIP and "take what you liked and leave the rest."
My suggestion would be if anyone sees anyone being unkind, they should private IM them to get clarification and then if push comes to shove, I would talk to a room OP for assistance. I have found that sometimes when too many people get involved, it becomes more convoluted and we no longer keep the focus on ourselves.
Overall, this is a wonderful place for me to supplement my F2F recovery and where I have met the most amazing people.
Love Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
kitty____If Principles are more important than anything, then healing is what we ought to be focused on. If someone comes into chat they ought to be embraced when they are reaching out, having a nervous breakdown or are feeling hopeless or suicidal, not told, "to go away" as I have witnessed in chat & have even been belittled myself there.We are all sick ppl trying to get well. None of us are psychologists or psychiatrsits, we are ppl sharing our ESH from a painful & real experiences of this disease first hand.I think we all need to take a kinder & gentler approach to each other in chat & not be so hard-nosed. Therein lies compassionate understanding. I have been abused... I don't go to chat looking to be picked on, ridiculed or demeaned.
rosie______ you GO girl!!! i have had that happen to me, in fact i was out and out attacked....sure the moderators bounced the freaks, but still, we are HERE cuz we need HELP, not pain.... i totally 1000% agree with you....we all NEED to have compassion for everyone, and when mistakes are made, yes, set boundaries, but be humane about it....i was abused too, and i am VERY ULTRA sensitive to abuse...ANY kind of it..............thank you for having the guts to say this......love ya, R
I am curious what you mean about someone being told in the chat room to go away? I never witnessed in 16 months anyone who was reaching out in the chat room being told to go away. Now I am not in there 24/7 obviously, but am curious.
Was this during open chat? Or was it during a meeting? I dont want specifics just a general feel for what you are saying you witnessed.
I have also rarely witnessed "hardnosed" behavior. The closest thing I can think of would be someone chairing a meeting attempting to maintain room order during another person's sharing. Without some kind of order during the meetings, there would be no meeting.
I totally agree with you that no abuse of anyone in the room should be tolerated.
I have found this place to be a "Miraculous" place of healing for me. And I am talking specifically about the chat room. This board is also another wonderful tool which helps me to work my program. But the love, friendship and compassion I have experienced in the chat room has been unbelievable to me. When I first came online I did so with no real understanding of the treasure I had found.
I am only able to attend two ftf meetings a week where I live. That is not enough for me. In addition, both of these meetings are very small... at most 4 or 5 people. This place has taught me so much and greatly...HUGHLY... contributed to my recovery and to the person I am learning to be today. And I really like this person
Sure thing, we all need to remember to put Principals before personalities. If we are truly doing that...putting the principals of al-anon first, then these other problems you have witnessed would not be happening...in my humble opinion.
Thanks for posting Kitty, enjoyed reading your post and the other comments. All of this can help us to grow and become a better group, if we listen to each other and try to learn from our mistakes and go forward.
I would like to add, that all the time I have spent on here, years now, I have never seen or witnessed any abuse to anyone. The odd "kook" who has come on to create havoc has been immediately bounced. These negative posts does not help anyone......if you have a concern please contact the moderators. This site has been a God send to many, including myself. And as others has said "take what you like and leave the rest"...................................................gardengal
The only thing like this that I've seen is a couple people have a running joke to say "GET OUT!!" to each other; not sure what it's about really but it makes me laugh when I see it. The reason it's funny is exactly because the people in the chat room really are so accepting of everyone who comes in. I have never seen anybody be told to go away.
That isn't to say that there aren't the occasional conflicts. There's one person in there that I've had some disagreements with who occasionally still rubs me the wrong way. (And no, I won't say who.) This is unfortunately part of everyday human interactions and making rules about what people can say to each other won't make it go away. (If anything, it builds more resentments.)
I really dislike it when someone is unhappy in chatroom - but, sigh, I can never keep up, it is no good making innuendos to me - specifics I understand!!!! If I had been in room with you, I would not have let someone tell you to "go away" without protesting.
Sometimes, I am as tough as old boots, someone says something bad, I can hit back, sometimes, like last night - it is as though I have no skin! I knew, in my head, there was a server problem - but, seeing the message "you are blacklisted" in bold type - did my head in!!!!
As others have said, we are all sick, and, sometimes, we are vulnerable. I have found that if there is a real problem, John will endeavour to sort it out. Give him a try, please dont be a stranger to the chatroom.
. I just want to say that in 15 months that I have been here, I've never seen anyone be unkind to another ~ and boy am I glad for that.