The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday my a daughter got married. (Thank you all for prayers & good thoughts.) Today I find out from a neighbor (to whom she tells EVERYTHING) that my new son-in-law has violated probation and the police are looking for him! AND he's staying in my apt. It would have been nice if they had mentioned it.
As if that weren't enough, my other daughter and I share the lease on this apt. My a daughter isn't really supposed to be here. In spite of my asking her to be discreet, she is outside constantly, smoking and running her mouth. My neighbor has spoken with our apt. manager, and it is looking as if we are about to be thrown out. When "we" get thrown out, that will be 7-1/2 people who no longer have a place to live. I have money to move. None of the others do.
I'm so sick of this. The dramas. The crises. I'm sick of my part in it, letting her stay here. I know she thinks when her new husband goes back to prison, I am going to rescue her and save her and the baby-to-be. I just can't do it anymore. If she becomes homeless and the baby goes to social services, I still can't do it anymore. I am so filled with grief this afternoon.
I'm so sorry this happened, and for how it must be making you feel. I will keep you and them in my prayers. Make sure to do what is best for you. Wishing you peace.
That's some really hard stuff, but you are right, you can't do it. You can't change someone's life that continues to make wrong choices. I hope you get a place of your own and find peace in it :)
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
(((Waking Up))) I read this about 2 hours ago and have thought of nothing else. I too sometimes give shelter long after it's helpful. I know that feeling of not being able to "help" anymore. These are people we deeply love. You have such a challenging situation -- ask for help when you need it and keep posting and attending meetings. I find it helps.
For me, if I stick close to my higher power in seriously challenging situations, I am alright. My loved ones may not live as I thought they would, but they have the right to their own ways. I know that now. Stay in touch. Take care of YOU. --- Jill
I know this may sound trite but make sure you take care of yourself. You can't meet anyone elses needs when your own basic needs of shelter can't be met.
I'm sorry you have to endure this and hope that everything goes for the best. Keep coming back.
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
I have definitely been there and done that including putting my shelter on the line for others. I currently have a lot of my financial stuff on the line and have to work really hard not to become enmeshed. It is very very difficult not to be "intrigued" by all this stuff I work daily on deflecting it. Most landlords give you a chance to clear up lease breach issues before they seek to evict. I don't think anyone wants to evict because it costs money.
I definitely have put others before me for decades sometimes to the point of losing my physical and emotional health. Please don't beat yourself up over this you can learn new behaviors but you need support for that. Why not seek support, care and understanding for yourself rather than exhausting yourself on stuff that hasn't happened yet. I have learned in this program to turn stuff over. If I can't deal with it I do the best I can today and turn the rest over to my HP. Lately I have been tired and burned out so I have been resting, not because I'm lazy but because when I am tired, irritable and discontent I do not make good decisions. First things are first I have to have my physical health as best as I can and my emotional health too. Take care of yourself and stop worrying about what tomorrow will bring just yet. It hasn't arrived yet and you need to be in tip top shape to handle your life and your issues not everyone else but you's issues.
"waking" i am so sorry this is happening to you, but the others here who gave their esh, on "taking care of you" is the only thing any of us can do....
i have a NA daughter who does NOT think she needs recovery....has been bingeing since B4 thanksgiving...i have not talked with her for going on TWO months.....i had to LET HER GO!!! i changed my will, i will NOT fund her drugging when i die!!!!! so i changed my will over to my sweet little niece who will be sober when my time comes and be available to bury me B4 i rot to a skeleton!!!!! i am serious...i had to let the druggies and alkies in my life GO!!!! DETACH!!!! take care of me!!!!!!
NOONE is messing with my recovery...i love these people, but i can't help them....they have to help themselves, same way i gotta take care of me!!!!!! its sad, but you know??? the more i work this program, the easier it is to take care of me!!!!!!
I've alwasy been very spoiled and my parents have alwasy bailed my brother and I out. I do a good job of taking care of myself and providing for myself, however I lwasy know that I have a sfety net. It's kept me from moving forward financially and in terms of my own growth, for a LONG time. In the last year, my mother started saying, "No." For the first time in my life. I've been doing better than ever. I know that I need to save my money to take care of myself and I can't just continue to expect the safety net.
It became very very close to my mother being a grandmother. Thought she would alwasy be a moral support for me, she made it very very clear to me right off the bat that she would NOT be raising a grandchild, not would she be providing me money and I was not welcome to move back in with her and my father.
I'm taking care of myself. For the first time in a long time I'm back in meetings, I'm channeling my creative efforts in a healthier way and feel better about being me.
Thank you everyone, for all your encouraging words. All have been extremely helpful. In another thread (gotta go look that up and see who said this) someone said it is helpful for them to remember that the bad things are not happening to them (at least, when they're not.) I tend to think of things that happen to my a daughter as happening to myself, I so do not want her to suffer. So I have taken a step back, taken a deep breath, and am trying to detach (again!) Also the concept that nothing bad is happening YET and may not happen at all is helping me to take ....one day at a time. What a concept! Feeling better. I was very emotionally unwell yesterday. Thanks to all for prayers and encouragement.
