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Maybe this is an odd topic but I am a little off balance about this. Due to my feelings about alcohol which have ranged from disgust to outright hatred for the last few years, I would be surprised if I had imbibed in more than 10 drinks in the last 4 years. I have never had a problem with alcohol or drugs, recreational use when I was younger but I grew up life matters became more important, it hurt to wake up at 6 and go to work when I had been up most of the night having fun ... and then I got involved with my A which turned me off all of it completely. Yesterday I spent the day helping a couple of friends who did not grow up in construction families like I did hang drywall to remodel one's basement so the other can move in .. 2 divorces .. alcoholism and workoholism played a part in both. Anyway ... after we finished for the day, we had dinner and I was offered a drink, it felt right and I had 2 which effected me more than I ever remember it doing before. It was fun, relaxed, easy ... then I came home, rode home with a nondrinking friend
When I got home my A was happy to see me tipsy .... now here I sit, not regretting I what I did. Just because of my long avoidance of alcohol, not sure what to make of his reaction, maybe feeling a bit guilty because I could have a drink with no fear of wanting one again any time soon, uncomfortable because I made myself vunerable around him ... I'm not sure.
Any insight or experiences you would like to share would be appreciated.
I have mixed feelings about drinking alcoholic beverages with my family and around my recovering A. I have experienced other addictions like cigarettes and sugar and know about cravings, uncontrollable urges, etc. Both our families have come a long way in our knowledge of alcoholism, everyone drinking, sobriety, and even deaths from alcohol. My husband does not drink but has recently started drinking supposed "non-alcoholic" beer which he was told not to drink. I use to drink at home with friends but where we live it is illegible and my sons confronted me about breaking the law. So I stopped and only drink at a restaurant or with friends away from home. My husband and I use to drink with sport teams and social events. I always ask him if he minds if I have a drink with dinner and he says not at all. If I act like I am having a great time or seem "buzzed" (after sometimes only one drink) then I hear about from my A and my sons. I just end up feeling uncomfortable and wonder if it is worth it. Hope this helps.
I too have issues about drinking.I have always had a few drinks here and there..never had a drinking problem.When my A`s drinking became out of control I too was disgusted with alcohol and didn`t drink at all for a long time.Lately I`ve had a few drinks in the evening just to relax..maybe 2 beers.Hubby found out and told me I had a drinking problem!! Even made me feel guilty for having a drink.All the while he has 3 half pints of peppermint schnapps and 4 beers in his system.I quit drinking while he was here but now that he`s gone I see nothing wrong with having a drink or two ONCE IN AWHILE.We do not have a drinking problem,they do.
This is a touchy subject. I used to not drink around me step-dad when he was "behaving" ~ like I was trying to be a good role model or influence. Truth of the matter is it has nothing to do with me, whether I drink or not, it is his problem.
Maybe deep down he resents the fact I can have a few drinks & walk away, maybe your A felt relieved 'cause it makes his behavior acceptable. Who knows what they think or if they would even tell the truth about it anyway.
BTW the "non-alcoholic" beers are really a sad ploy on the public... in actuality they do contain .5-1% of alcohol in them.
-K
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I too have had lots of concern over drinking in the past few years. When I was in college and even when my husband and I where dating I used to drink with him. I grew up in a family where alcohol was a part of everything. They where hard drinking and hard working. I stopped drinking when the kids came along and I realized my husband had a problem. Someone had to drive, to deal with the family and remain clear headed. In reality all I did was make it easier for him to drink. It got to the point that the sound of a beer can opening would go right through me, and my children as well.
I have begun to realizer that the whole world doesn't have a problem. It is okay for others to have a few drinks. I still choose not to but have lightened up on everyone else. My parents even had a few drinks when they where visiting over the holidays and the kids and I where fine with it.
While I choose not to go to bars or drink at home, I will have a few sips of champagne at a wedding, and have even had a cup of punch at a baby or bridal shower. I have that much and desire no more. I am not the one with the problem he is.
I look at it this way. I am allergic to stawberries. I love them, but if I eat them, I eat too many of them and turn into one huge hive, and if I don't run for the benadryl fast enough I can really get to be a mess. My family does not share my allergy. They eat them, sure I am enviouse, but I know I can't do it, but that doesn't mean they can't enjoy them. It is like my husband is allergic to alcohol, that doesn't mean that others cannot responsibly enjoy it.
Even though my A has always told me it doesn't bother him to be around people who are drinking, I've never been comfortable with that. Now that he has more sobriety under him, he even avoids sitiuations where there is alcohol.
But I tend to agree with Jeannie. Not everybody has an addiction. Now that my A and I are living apart I have begun again to keep wine in the house. I'm a gourmet cook and gave up cooking with wine when we got married. He doesn't come over unannounced, so I don't worry about him taking a drink. The other thing is, is that he's responsible for making that choice to take that first drink. He knows that he's not allowed to drink in this house, and if he did, we're through. Those are the boundaries I have set up, and intend to stick with them.
It's nice to be sensitive to the A's feelings. But I would not stop living your life because you have an A in your life. It's about not loosing yourself in his disease.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Thank you all for your replies! Since reading them and doing a little more thinking, I've came to a balanced spot in my thoughts.
I have not seen my husband drink in 10 years, I have seen him drunk a few times but not taking the drink. I prefer it that way.
I have not had alcohol in my home in the same amount of time, I do not see any reason for that to change.
I am not concerned with this happening often, I rarely feel the desire to drink and in most cases would not around him because of my comfort level.
I don't feel guilty because I can take penicillin and he can't. My guilt comes more from if I do drink then will he? BUT the 3 C's kicked in.
I am grateful he was happy to see me tipsy when I got home, anger, resentment, or being snide would not have helped our relationship. I do not think I can provide that same reaction if he does, but maybe I can be less angry, resentful and snide since I saw the benefit from the other side.
As far as being vunerable, I was and nothing bad happened ... maybe a sign I should allow that a LITTLE more often. Could be that it would bolster my confidence in not being hurt by him. It could do the same for him too.
~laugh~ I am a work in progress ... tatooing a construction zone sign on my forehead is an option
This is na interesting topic. My mother came from a family that didn't really drink. If they did it was was in ver functional moderation. My father came from a profusity of alcoholism. My dad was a dry drunk for about 10 years when I was a kid. We didn't have booze of any kind in my house intukl he started drinking again when I was a teenager. However, as far as I know, my mother has always had a drink if she wanted one. She's maybe have a glass of wine at a Christmas party or something. However my fatehr got sober again a year ago and she kind of flipped. She wouldn't ALLOW drinking in their house. Now that he's been sober a year she's kind of relaxed at the holidays this year we had several bottle of wine in the house.
" -Jennifer