The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hope you all had a good week..I had a pretty good week, just tnite I am angry with myself..this guy I have been seeing had called me last Friday again as I had not been returning his calls and I did talk to him...of course, he had a few under his belt... I made a promise to myself when the new year came that I would not call him, but guess what? I did it on Wednesday nite and I hate how I feel about it...I feel that I lost my control again after I have been putting so much effort into taking care of me. I have been rejected by him and keep going back....guess I am a dumb ass.
Why why do I do this to myself? ..I just feel he dont' give a rip about me, yet I care about him..Seems he knows the right thing to say at the right time...I know I have to get strong and come to a point in my life and tell him " I can't take this anymore" ..but I am not strong enough yet. Last year was hell for me, and I dont' want this year to repeat itself. I attend meetings and talk about how I feel..that has helped me...I am so down tnite and feel so alone..
Thanks for letting me get this out..hope I am not booted outta here cuz of my attitude, but that's what the alcoholic has done to me....makes me so angry
Nope it's not what the alcoholic has done to you, it's what you allowed the alocholic to do to you. Big difference.
We attract what we are. I don't mean in an alcoholic sense, I mean in an emotionally unhealthy sense. Until we work on us, on our own personal recoveries, we will continue to attract and be attracted to emotionaly unavailable people. We will continue to keep putting ourselves in a position to be hurt, even though that's the last thing we want to be doing. It's as if we are doing it against our own will. Much like the alcoholic/addict who wants so desperately to quit, yet keeps taking that next drink, pill or fix.
We want to change our behaviors but we just don't know how. That's where this program especially the 12 steps come in. By working those steps with a sponsor we become honest enough with ourselves and begin to see that it wasn't all the alcoholic/addict in our lives fault for our problems and unhappiness. We begin to see that WE ourselves played a very active role in allowing our lives to become unmanageable. In our own misery. We learn the tools needed to change our behavior, our way of thinking, our reactions to people. We learn how to really like ourselves and be comfortable in our own skin.
Until we take some positive action (not just have a desire, but literally take action) to work on ourselves, we will continue the sick cycle of addiction, whether we use drugs or alcohol or not.
__________________
Kathy S --
~*I trust my Higher Power that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my life today.*~
Nobody is perfect. Life beats us up enough sometimes, We don't need to do it to ourselves. If you don't like how you felt about doing something, try apologising to yourself and use it to remember why you don't want to do it again. It took time to get prgrammed into old behaviors, it will take time to choose new ones. Take care of yourself.
Your welcome, the real thanks should go to the wonderful person here who last week when I was feeling like a dumb a## told me to put the stick down I was beating myself up with.
~laugh~ I just had this great visual ... instead of putting it down, why not use it like a walking stick and make our lives easier? A little mountain climber like used to be on that game show ... The Price is Right. Geez maybe I should stay away from the caffeine
