The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am frustrated with myself b/c I have decided I do not want this relationship, and I have started looking at what I can afford housing wise, but I am still trying to gather the courage to leave. I am impatient with myself. I am trying to let my HP help with that.
I am also frustrated that I continue to bend over backwards to make him happy, and it doesn't work, which I should know. I am upset b/c he can still manage to hurt me, and b/c he doesn't care how I feel at all. I don't want to care how he feels, but I do.
He said tonight he wanted to go watch the football playoffs at the bar, and then became upset that he had to pay bills with his money. He said "Now I will have to stay home with you.Whoopy." and that hurt. What is so wrong with staying home with me and the kids, and drinking beer here? I don't understand, and I am not even going to bother to ask. I got the point, he would rather be at the bar than at home, even if he could drink here. B/c at the bar, he can see his loser friends. or god knows what else. I think the saddest part to me is that I am not even going to bother to tell him how hurt and upset I feel, b/c it would make no difference. It would be a waste of time and energy. Like talking to the wall. well, thank you all for listening. I needed to vent. I am glad I have al anon.
I know exactly where you're coming from, and after many discussions with my A in the past he agreed to do the majority of his drinking at home, but in hindsight I wonder if this is a good thing, as now the kids are more exposed to his drinking and idiotic behavior. Something to be said for "out of sight out of mind"? Now when he's here and drunk, I wish he would just go away.
Oh how I wish I could find the courage to leave. After so much soul searching and weighing the pros and cons I decided to stay put for now (don't want to be a poor, desperate, lonely single mom scratching to survive), but every day I struggle with that decision. One makes huge sacrifices every day living with a drunk...sacrifices that erode who we are.
