The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I hope you all had a great holiday. I've been off for a little while, thought I'd come back and give you guys an update. I would love to hear comments.
So, My ds and I stayed in a hotel last night (that I can't afford). HE came back from out of town (he had gone back home to get clean) on the 29 around 10:30 pm. So, he's supposedly not doing pills, but the next day he leaves and goes to see his friend-in-drugs. Hmmm, I think... he was so adamant about not hanging around any of the people from before. Okay, well then the next day he goes to another friends house, has a few beers and gets high (to take the edge off????). This happens again the next day (Sunday). Well, Monday morning, he breaks up with me and goes on and on about this is it and we'll probably never talk again, twice. but comes home around 6pm and things are fine, he just said that b/c yada yada yada. Probably b/c I wasn't in the mood for sex being as how I was sick with a stomach bug all night and had diareaha(sp). Sorry if that's TMI. Anyway. during the course of this day I find:
1. A bottle of Lortabs, filled that day, 9 missing (and the other 11 were gone by noon the next day) hidden in his sock. A bottle of antibiotics, from a different dr. filled the day after he returned, maybe one gone from that, but I'm assuming he got pills with that script as well.
2. Pot in his coat pocket.
3. Another womans phone number on a matchbook cover.
4. A porn mag hidden in his jeans.
5. Some mushy computer generated card from the woman he had been staying with before he left and a picture of her in some cheesy pose (granted, she probably slipped that in there for him).
So, he's got drugs, in my house, and taking pills. he says that was the first day he took pills, absessed tooth. funny he never mentioned the dentist to me and he's been twice in the four days he was back.
Like I'm stupid.
Anyway... to top it all off, I had to take my son to the ER new years eve. He was vomiting blood. HE calls me at the hospital to check on ME and see how I'm doing. Never asked about my son... but wants me to know he's in love with me.
Ugh.
Anyway, my mission was somewhat thwarted by the fact that he didn't come back to my house last night. I left him a note telling him I couldn't see him and good luck, but he called and my mom told him I wasn't there and needed space so he never showed. I did tell him it was over that morning after he tried to tell me how things were okay and he knew I needed someone, I say I'm content to be alone but that's not really true. Ugh. Anyway, Now I don't want to go home because I want to avoid seeing him and potentially getting sucked in, the effect of my absense last night wasn't a success because he wasn't there. He may not have come home anyway, but I wish my mom wouldn't have told him I need space, I need him gone. I'm a little aggrivated. I can't afford another hotel room, I couldn't afford that one. I'm pissed.
Listen, dear girl, you are doing OK, you have begun to realise how the disease works, you have found this site. So, deep breaths, now, it is all about you, what you want.
Give yourself some room - try to go to a face to face meeting, and/or come into the chat room, we chat, fool around, and, we have meetings. It is a safe place.
You have told us quite a lot about your A - we all do that, in the beginning, would love to know about you. What are your hopes, ambitions, things you want to achieve? For you, I mean!!!!
Welcome to this website, it has brought comfort and strength to many people, including me, I hope to see you again, and chat with you in the room!
He's doing what an addict does - lie and get high. No surprises there. So, what are YOU going to do? It is OK for you to make choices based on what is best for you, no matter what the impact on him. I used to weigh, oh so carefully, every nuance of every response I would have to his behaviour. "If I do this it will make him do that, if I do the other thing...." In reality, I did not have that much power. If he was uncomfortable at home,. he would go out and get high. If he was comfortable at home, he would STILL go out and get high, or sometimes he would stay home and get high. Every now and then he would stay home and stay sober, and I would frantically examine everything I had done, to uncover the secret of keeping him under control. All of it imaginary, I had no control at all, really. Once I gave up on what he did,and paid more attention to what I did, life got better.
I am sorry all of this is happening to you..meaning your significant other...Hey maybe it is for the best...That stuff is not good to be around especially if you have a child...I will definetely pray for you....for your hp to take control...
All I can say is...have faith..believe that everything happened for a reason..you may not know the reason,but in time you will...
Meanwhile...stay healthy..I find that writing is kid of an outlet..you can write exactly what you feel at that very moment...
lauren~
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~life is like a box of chocolates you never know whatcha gonna get~
I completely can relate to what you are saying. I haven't been in the program long, but as lin said, if you work on you- you'll get better. I am just starting to 'see the light' after being in the program for a little over two months.
It's very hard to ignore their doctor hopping, lying, cheating... especially when there are kids involved. And then there are the mind games.
Just be strong, no matter what he comes with you at... It seems that those same character traits that we know and love : ) while they are addicts carry on even when they are 'sober'.
One book that did help me during the time that I was struggling through his recovery and trying to decipher the lies was Never be Lied to Again. I've lent the book out, and don't remember the author, but I'm sure you could look it up on half.com and find it there.
Put your whole self into your program. There is nothing you can do for him, so worrying about him and what he's up to certainly won't do you any good, in fact, all it will do is make you sick. I did that to myself for over a year... I am very proud of my ulcer and grey hair! LOL
hey guys, I was in the library with my son earlier so i was a little rushed, sorry if the post was tangential. Thanks for responding, I keep shifting b/t feelings of loss and determination. He called tonight and left a message, I didn't answer the phone. Says he's leaving town tomorrow, and will come by to get his things tonight or tomorrow, and that he will talk to me before he leaves, he thinks he will... I am not going to be around. I can't do it. Wish me luck, yall.
His stuff is still on the balcony, he hasn't come to get it. He called this morning and told my mom his bus leaves tonight at 10 so he'd be by to pick it up. I left and ran some errands, and when I came back it was still here. I'm fighting being sad, trying hard to remember the situation for what it really is.
I've been hiding out all day just in case he comes in the house or something. Someone just came by, I heard my mom say hold on and go outside. Well, that was him. My mom said that the woman he was staying with had driven him over and he came up and got his bags, said he'd call when he got home. Didn't ask if I was home or anything. Sigh. So, that's that then.
