The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thank you my friends for responding to me, i just started crying , I don't know why. I'm just feeling pretty overwhelmed with trying to figure it all out. And it means a lot to me for you all to support me. I hate feeling like this. like i just want someone to take care of it all for me. I was supposed to go back to school and now I don't know if I can. I went to apply for cash aid and food stamps and ended up sitting there for hours for the past two days and now I have to go back for 3-6 hours for orientation on Friday and may need to bring my kids with me. They are going to go crazy just sitting there for that long. I have no one to babysit, have no friends. I am finding it hard to see myself going back to daycare for work, I am so burnt out on it but it is the only thing that will support us. My inclination is to just curl up and go to sleep. I am so angry and disappointed right now. All I can do is keep taking it ODAT, right?
I definitely understand viscerally paralysis and all the double binds that I put myself in. What I remind myself is that nothing changes if nothing changes. I have to just try to go to any lengths to take care of myself. After all I went to any lengths to take care of the A. Broke my bank, broke my health, broke my mental health to do it. So I can do what's necessary to take care of me. I am one of those people who if you put someone in front of me and they say I need I say how high can I jump. When I am learning the word NO I realise I may have some energy left for me. I hope so. I need it. I hope you can find the energy to say no to all the stuff you don't need to do, all the stuff other people can dump on you and say yes to yourself. Saying yes takes practice but if you say it enough pretty soon you start taking care of yourself.
Sometimes one minute at a time is all you can do! There are resources out there to help you - you may not have his paycheck coming in now, but you also don't have those 'surprises' that addicts make to the finacial situation. One breath at a time, one step at a time, give your kids an extra hug, use all the free stuff you can get, don't worry about your pride just now. Some day you will be on your feet, and able to give back. We're all here cheering for you.
I so related to yout frustration , sence of fear and hopeless n ess
here is a radical suggeston my sponsor gave me when i was in your shoes ( and it WOKRKED ) she said "just surrender it ALL to you Higher power ....tell him your fears and concerns surrender to his help and let go of the ooutcome ... have faith that he IS THERE doing for you what you cannot do for yuorself ... and solutions will come that you hadnt considered and will blow your mind
she reminded me my HP had/ has a greater and better plan than I could inagaine for myself all on my own
I keep doing ths and it keeps working ... in the areas of keeping my house finding enugh food clothing a job a relationship freiends to help food stamps fule assistance town assistan ce
all unexpected blessings that keep me going
when we we are working hard to solve a problem sometimes we can just see one or 2 ways for it to work out satisfactorily ...i think HP has INFINATE ways to help us and solve our situations
