please help - Al-Anon Family Group

Carly · Newbie

please help

megan · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Carly and welcome to alanon.

Here is where we learn to recover from the affects of someones's drinking.

I have learned that we are as addicted to our alcoholic as they are addicted to alcohol.

Can you find a local face to face alanon meeting and go there? They will give you a phone list with people you can call when you are upset.

There are also meetings here in the chat room at 9am and 9pm EST and lots of helpful people in chat at other times

I have to say that drinking excessively is what alcoholics do.

In fact without recovery many of them die from this.

Keep coming back

Megan

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

Carly, your friend needs to see to his recovery just as you need to see to yours. His going into rehab will, hopefully, be a good thing. Try not to make it difficult for him to take this important step. Meanwhile, find an AlAnon meeting in your area and please go. The program will teach you how to cope, and how to take care of yourself.

Best wishes, Diva

seachange · Senior Member

Hi Carly! As hard as it may be to see this, here is a good oportunity to do some things for yourself, and get stronger in your own recovery. As others suggest, go to meetings, make connections wherever you can in recovery so you don't have to feel so alone or abandoned. It's wonderful your boyfriend is willing to go to rehab! Be sure and let him know that, and that he has your support too. Some space between you while you each work on yourselves could be the best thing that could happen for your relationship!

Take care,

~seachange

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

I have abandonment issues. Maybe this is what you have. I can feel abandoned when people go to get their needs met because I was abandoned on so many levels as a child. It is not that the present is abandoning it is that in the past I was completely abandoned on many levels be it physical, sexual, deprivation and more. Sometime certain things in the present trigger things in the past to come up and I have to process them. Of course I cannot necessarily process them alone. I have to go get support to do that and sometimes that support does change.

I hope you will choose to get help for yourself, al-anon being one of them. You can take medication for depression (there is even some over the counter stuff). Rehab is not for ever and in time he will be allowed contact with you. The no contact stuff is for people to try to focus entirely on their process not as a means to break up relationships. Indeed an alcoholic needs healthy relationships when they come out in order to maintain sobriety.

I look forward to getting to know you and hope you will choose to participate in this board.

Maresie.

Carly · Newbie

I would just like to say thanks for all your help. I already feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I will of course stay on this board through this difficult time and after. thank you

Dolphin123 · ~*Service Worker*~

Carly,

Welcome to MIP, glad you are here. You are in the right place.

While your boyfriend is gone this would be a good time to focus on you. Start going to alanon meetings. We have meetings here that are wonderful and more than likely you have meetings that are local to you. The meetings are such a huge help. Walking into your first meeting may be difficult, but it is well worth it. And remember each one of the people in that meeting has been in your shoes before.

Do things that you like to do, go for walks, read books, take a bubble bath, go out with friends.

You can also go to open AA or NA meetings if you want. I enjoy going to those meetings. I am able to get some understanding for my "A" at these meetings.

The important thing is to stay focused on you. He is going to be doing the same thing for him.

Keep Coming Back!

Much love,

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.