The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Is anyone else of the mind that it can't be done right unless it was hard? For example. I fequently cook and throw dinner parties. I make everything from scratch. From pie crust to pasta sauce, I start everything with fresh ingredientes. I feel like it's not good enough for my friends unless I slaved. Like if I didn't put enough work into it I'm not worthy of the accolades.
My mother on the other hand is a microwave cook and thinks I'm a total looney tune. God bless, her she does not build the same obstacles in her life that I do. My motehr thinks it's just fine to prepare packaged food and pass it off.
Lately as I've been very busy and more focued on taking care of me. There have still been a few occasions where I'd wanted to have friends over for dinner, but simply didn't have the time ot prepare a "proper meal." A few weeks ago, I bought a roasted chicken from the grocery store, I quarteres it, poured jarred BBQ sauce all over it and stuck it back in the oven.
On New Years Eve, I made a a spaghetti dinner for my friends. I spent the day working out, cleaning the house and taking care of me. So, I went to the super market and bought jars of marinera sauce. I cooked some ground turkey and pre sliced mushrooms and tomatoes and threw it all in with some garlic. I bought a loaf of pre-made garlic bread from the bakery, and I bought a bag of salad greens.
Bothe times, everyone raved about the food and I still feel guilty. However, I AM finding out that I don't have to slave over the stove for hours to please my friends. That they love weather my sauce comes in a jar or not.
Maybe there is room for both in being able to cook from scratch and being able to cook stuff in a few minutes. I know I want to validated because I certainly got none as a child. All that I was validated for was to have them dump their problems on me. I therefore had to learn to validate myself because I certainly could not count on getting it from others all the time. Self care is indeed a great way to validate myself. I am worth this, I am worth taking care of, I am worth the obstacle course of working what works for me. I am worth the effort. My life is not just to please, cajole and try to cure others.
TT: I thought I had it hard with my boyfriend's mother who declared she was the best cook in the world and showed me certificates she got from friends about it. She cooked the smae Thanksgiving dinner all the time and served it up with a lot of grudges. Somehow the grudges did not taste good. I did not go there for Thanksgiving for years but of course I didn't get over my grudges and resentments against her for a long time till I found they were toxic to me. This year as usual she sent me nothing and I expect nothing from her now nor do I want anything from here. What she gives to my boyfriend will have to be none of my business in future and that will be a discipline in itself.
Generally I cook because I love it. It's very soothing and realxing to me. I think it's a control thing. When everything in my life it OUT of control, cooking is a single environment that I can completely control.
