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My A is leaving detox today after 11 days. His bed date for rehab is the 3rd (tomorrow) and he has to report at 8 am. He could have stayed in and gone straight through..under normal circumstances he would've been given a half day pass to take care of business before entering, however, since today is considered a holiday no passes. He decided to take care of things and go in tomorrow. Ok. He asked if he could stay with me for the night. I said OK. I will drive him to the rehab in the morning. I'm scared. He seems committed right now, and that is why I am helping him, but I am scared of all of this. I have not been in the same house with him overnight in over four months.. I scared b/c I don't trust him. I'm just scared.
Kim are you physically afraid of him? Mentally afraid of him? Are you afraid he will decide not to go into rehab tomorrow? If you are physically afraid, then he should not stay with you. If you are mentally afraid or just have a dread of the whole thing, try to relax and take care of Kim. You'll be just fine. Maybe for today it should be, "an hour at a time."
(((((((((((((((((((((Kim)))))))))))))))))))))))))
Maybe you can use a hug. With caring, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I can certainly understand where you are coming from. As Diva said, if you are physically scared, it is not ok to put yourself in that position. My A was released last Tuesday and wanted to come home. I told him in advance he would not be able to, but then once the actual time came he became very manipulative. Just for tonight yada, yada, yada. I too was scared, scared that if I gave in he wouldn 't get it, that I was serious, that he would manipulate me. It was not an easy 72 hours but I made it through by coming here. I posted sometimes hourly, went into the chat etc. I just kept plugging away. Decide what you need to do for you, what are you ok with and then just stick to it. There will be people here to give you ESH all the way through.
I can understand being scared, I get scared all the time. If you are scared of him physically, then it is not the best choice. Sometimes what helps me is to simply acknowledge what is scaring me most ... is it the thought of him not following though with his plan, or that I may be manipulated somehow. When I finally figure out what it is I usually can see that I have found better coping skills and even if he is the same I will react differently. Maybe having a backup plan to remove yourself from the situation would make you feel calmer. I wish you the best. Take care fo yourself first.
You have a right to your feelings, and it shouldn't be surprising that you are scared, based upon your recent history with him, and the common patterns of A's....
There are some reasons to feel hopeful as well, as he is "appearing" to be getting serious about wanting sobriety...
The key is..... trying not to allow your head to get too far ahead of yourself here..... staying in the moment..... "staying in your shoes", per se.... trying not to project what will or won't happen.....
He might be on the path to recovery.... He might be on the path to relapse.... the weird thing is, and this can be sometimes quite "empowering" to you if you accept it..... is that you don't have "control" over either one!! And that is the hardest thing for us to remember.....
Take care, and my thoughts will be with you
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Thanks for all of your support. No, I am not physically afraid of him at all. That's the least of my fears. My fears were revolving around my own feelings, how I would handle him being with me...that he would misinterpret things...I haven't made any decision yet as far as my marriage, I was afraid that this would confuse things. We also haven't lived together in 41/2 months... I picked him up, things went well. I took him to get some incidentals, which he bough himself. I'm letting go of those things, and that feels good. I was afraid and resenting him, afriad I would become someone's warden again. But, alas, no! I have let it go... He is picking up his belongings from the sober house. He'll do some laundry. I'm taking it minute by minute. Thanks again. You're all the best.
Kim: good for you you made it through one minute at a time. Now you can put the focus back on you. How ingenious the alcoholic is to create chaos and demand so much attention and get it. One day I will be ready to say well I am not stopping what I am doing right now. One day I will have my own life which isn't dependent on him at all. One day...
