The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
2006 had a better start last night than new year's eve.
Yesterday I wrote about my husband's bad new year scene at my friend's party. He had insulted someone at the party and then he became extremely difficult and wouldn't come home with me. He wasn't physical, but it had the potential to get that way. It was like he couldn't even hear my voice when I tried to get him to leave with me peacefully. My last post said how embarrassed and ashamed I felt in front of all these people. I was devastated to know that they saw his "bad" side, the side I had only seen up until then. Yesterday, all I think of was how close we were to having some real couple friends, but now that's over. They won't want to hang out with us anymore as couples because of him.
I was especially angry and disgusted Sunday morning when he showed no remorse or shame because he couldn't remember anything.
He had been sober for 4.5 years and then last summer he had a few beers with his A brother (his whole family has problems with A) and he decided to abandon his sobriety, that he could drink sociably. Well, last night he realized that he can't.
It turns out, New Year's eve and all the heartache and pain and embarrassment were not totally in vain. He approached me to talk last night. I told him in detail what he did at the party. I explained how he had insulted someone and then when asked to leave, he spoke about being a apostle and that he was jesus christ and how the whole crowd at the party was out to get him and bring him down. I told him how scared I was when we finally got him out of the house and he left and I couldn't find him and how I thought he had jumped in the nearby river. I was so scared I wouldn't see him again. I thought that maybe he was in serious trouble and that I had let it happen because I had given up on trying to get him home safely.
Last night, he genuinely apologized and said his disease played a trick on him, telling him he could drink sociably. He admitted that he can't. He said he was sorry that his disease is causing grief and sorrow in my life. He was so much more humble than he was when he first woke. He said he will go back to AA and start a new sobriety program. I guess that remains to be seen, but I know that he can do it. He has done it before and I believe in him. He knows what he has to do.
Good news ~ I am happy to hear it ~ now, what are you going to do ? That's our most famous question. I remember in one of my early face to face meetings in Alanon, a member was continuously talking this and that about their A. Another long-time member very quietly and respectfully said "Who invited him here?" meaning we focus our whole lives on what they are or aren't doing.
I am glad you are here and hope while he begins the road to recovery, you join us here, online and at your alanon meetings for yourself. That will be the best New Years present you can give yourself.
welcome to Miracles In Progress (MIP)
Maria123
__________________
If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Dear Jule: I have definitely been down that path of having no couple friends. Nevertheless you can have friends here in Al-anon for you and for your program. No matter what he does, what program he goes to, what his disease says to him, what he does do doesn't do in the program you can have this place for you. I think it is very very difficult to see someone start on treatment. Alcoholics are by nature liars and secretive. Many of them never get to what they do to manage their disease. Some of them stop drinking but their behavior does not change. I know someone who lives with a man like that. She detaches very well. Her health is very bad right now she cannot just up and leave. Who am I to judge her?
I think you will find this place a place of non judgment for you. You will find that you can focus on you and your issues and your needs and if you are living with an alcoholic you will sorely need that.
I am glad to hear things have improved. You say he has sought sobriety before, so, he can do it for himself. No doubt you will be a support to him, in his recovery.
What you need to do, is take the focus off him, drunk or sober - and put it onto you, try to go to face to face meetings, and keep coming here, and into the chat room, if you can.
The surprising thing for me, when I started to get a little recovery, was how much better those around me felt, and there was I, thinking I was "managing" them all, lol.
You were in my thoughts, after that disastrous party! That is why Alanon tells us to keep it in the day - it was horrible, but, now, it is past.
Thank you for posting, it is good to get an update.
? That's our most famous question. I remember in one of my early face to face meetings in Alanon, a member was continuously talking this and that about their A. Another long-time member very quietly and respectfully said "Who invited him here?"