The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In my last post I went over the most recent stuff about my daughter. Her long trip to Florida to try to live with her dad and when that didn't work, driving to Phoenix to live with her cousin (nice person.) Within a week, she was involved in an auto accident and in the hospital for 13 days. She has broken ankles and a skull fracture, but looks like she will be OK. Got her a home health aide to help as her cousin was out of town. It has been hard on both of us. Finally, I did get tired of her calling to vent with me, crying about her sad situation. Told her to call the pastor that I had come and visit her in the hospital (I did not go out to see her, wanted her to go through this experience without all of my comfort.) She has no car now, can't walk much, although she is using crutches now, is sleeping on an air mattress and has no job. She hasn't had much of a job since she dropped out of highschool and she is 22 now. We have given her a bunch of chances and she drops the ball every time. This morning she called saying that the air mattress has a leak and she needs a bed. She said she called the church and the numbers they gave her, but no one has called back. Only bed she found was through the Salvation Army for $40 and she doesn't have any money (only $5). I am not going to send her any more money. I am paying her cousin money for half my daughter's rent so she has a roof over her head and I have given her money for food, the bare minimum. I think she will just have to figure out how to patch the air mattress or sleep on the floor. This is not easy to do. I think it is the best thing I can do for her though, not rescue her. As I read in a previous post this morning from someone, if someone's life is not at risk then I don't have to do anything. Sleeping on the floor may be uncomfortable, but it doesn't put her at risk for dying it just motivates her to find her own solution.
Being a parent is the toughest job in this whole wide world in my humble opinion. I am really proud of you for staying your position. I have attended AA meetings and even the recovering A's would agree with you. You are giving your daughter "the dignity of making her own mistakes" and the "honor of living with her consequences" and that is the ONLY WAY she will ever decide to get her life back on track. It's been proven time and time again if only we (as well as an A who decides to stop drinking) stick to our guns.
Will pray for you as another parent who's always questioning if "tough love" is the way to go.
Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Kathyk, I admire you so very much for standing up and not standing down! You are doing your daughter a huge favor, even if she doesn't realize it. I wish you well in the new year, and I will hold your dear daughter close to my heart in my prayers and positive thoughts.
Best of good wishes, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
You are doing the right thing. If I had done this with my A daughter when she was 22, she would not now be 35 and still pulling the same old shit. Hang in there, mom!
