The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi, I really dislike the holidays. Even though I have someone, we are visiting his realtives far away. I see what a real family is like. I never had this. So I am blessed to be in this kind of family and to be accepted. I thought that when we get back home we can have time for us alone. I did stess this. But the friends called and are bringing food over so it will be a drinking night not alone. I will feel very alone again. Happy New Year...Even New Years day some family is comming over. He invites and wants me there. I cant sleep. I cry silently even more now that I am away with his family. Only 2 do not drink. The one that does and he wanted to stay with that one, I refused to go so I stayed in a safe place for me. And that was ok...now its time to get back home, many hours...i have to do something good for me on New Years. My friends I am ashamed to have over due to the behavior of him and his friends when under the influence. I will be alone in my room watching tv and on the computer. I am learning that the selfishness is truely a part of his disease. Last night, I just said that I am here all this week and did not even get to finsh when he answered "Oh I have to pay you back, I will that means that I have to pay for you here"..oh it went on and on and on...walking on eggshells again..excuse me but I lost myself and thought that i could have a good conversation, I am sorry I did not think again. I messed up...was doing very well not talking while he is under the influence..I find myself apoligizing over and over again. I could not sleep and I have to put on the smiley face with the relatives...Unconditional love , forgiveness, I didnt cause it, I cant cure it, I can't control it...i keep these in my mind. Its going to be a long ride home.................thank you for listening....
Yes, the holidays can be painful... fustrating and stressful... Today I know I can choose to take care of myself in extra special ways during the season. For the most part today I can enjoy them... still some stress here and there but keeping the focus on myself and my abilities and limitations seem to give me the necessary guidance to get through the holidays with some enjoyments attached.
Don't forget only you can choose to be alone during the holidays. There are many f2f meetings going on and other's going through the same situations as you. Don't forget that this weekend there will be many on-line meetings going on as well. Join in as you can... being there, listening and sharing your experience, strength and hope with others can be a way to move through this New Years.
There are so many stressors around the holidays. Whether it's running around doing all the shopping, wrapping all the presents, trying to afford the holiday, decorating, cooking, trying to visit so many family members, to the part the alcohol plays in holiday celebrations.
Each of us might experience one or all of these stressors. It's easy when focusing on all of these things to take the focus off of ourselves. Old habits are easy to fall back into. For me, I wasn't taking care of myself properly, I was trying to do everything and I was becoming resentful about it. Finally the realization that I had choices to make kicked in. I was able to start getting back more to program thinking and not my own stinking thinking. Luckily for me, I did started this Friday and by Christmas day, I was able to have a nice day.
I also did something this season I normally never do. I went out and got myself something. They were a movie and a book that my therapist wanted me to take in. Small, but something just for me, just for my recovery.
I'm glad to hear that you are going to try to do something for you.
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
