The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am glad that you found us Welcome to Miracles in Progress
It is so very good that you are attending alanon and have the tools that will save your sanity. Remember the 3 Cs We did not cause this disease, cannot control it and cannot cure it
It is clear that you love your family and would love to help them. Alanon suggests that we not force a solution or cause a crisis to happen. You did well, now pleases take care of yourself. Turn your brother over to HP and say the serenity prayer over and over until you fall asleep.
It will work
-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 26th of December 2012 11:52:26 PM
Hi, I have three alcoholics in my life and just turned a year at alanon. Tonight called at 00:29 my youngest and extreemly beloved brother ( who had told me he had a drinking problem & had had a relapse and was desperate about it). He is in town for Christmas, I hadn't seen him drunk as he lives in another city. He said that he had missed the night train to go back to my parents -who live in the outskirts- and asked to stay at my place. I said yes. when he arrived he was functionally drunk, couldn't utter a word but move around. I was desperate but acted the better I understood -had been praying while he was on his way-. Didn't want to be worm and protective as I am always with him, but din't want to be cold or angry. He went to the room so I huged my husband. Then my brother stood in the corredor quiet for a while, and then at 2am he came and told us he was leaving and would walk to our parents -8 miles away, no train until six am-. My husband tried to disuade him but I told him to let him go. And after grabbing my hands, he left.
And Im desperate because I love him with all my heart, he's been my little boy him since he was born, we are very close and he is the sweetest shy guy you could meet. And thinking of him out in the streets of this city, not the most safe one. I rationally know I'm doing the right thing for him. But my feelings are very different: I feel guilty, I feel anguish, worried, and simply cannot go to sleep thinking he's out in the streets wondering alone and drunk.
I go through this with my husband every weekend and, thanks to the program, I've managed to fall somewhat asleep while he's drinking durign his binges because he's big and strong, and I put him in God's hands. But my youngest brother, who I have looked after since he was a baby, I cannot let go, I know from Al anon it shall be better than I fear, but...if anything happens to him tonite I...help me God, and any support would be so much appreciated. It's 3:30am and the sole idea of falling asleep while he is out there, kills me.
That is indeed a scary prospect. I wonder if you alerted the police, whether they would look out for him? It is suggested that we let them experience the consequences of their actions, but where it's really a choice of life or death of course it is not an unhealthy choice to take what action we can to save them from harm. I don't know where you are or if the temperatures are life-threatening, for instance if you're in the parts of the country threatened by blizzard. I hope his HP will keep your brother safe. But do not feel guilty if you call for professional help on this one. That's what the professionals are for.
Pray and give him to God. He knows what he's doing better than us. From experience, all the pieces have to be in place for someone to desire to get sober, so try and realize that part of what he's going through is part of what it takes to want to get sober bad enough. Trust and pray. Trust and pray.
So dear Al anon friends, thank you for being there. I'm writing from Europe and it's now dangerously cold here. My concern is the same as my husband, whose been stolen all his IDs and ccards while sleeping in the street, three times in six month. And the fact that he can be lying in the streets somewhere or could be asaulted. I think I'll follow your advice. Hotrod, and say the prayer until I pass out. Oh God.
Thank you for this forum. You know, writing to you keeps me away from thinking of him and falling in the control trap. He toldme, when he said good bye, that i shouldn't warry. I told him I cannot make him not drink and he cannot make me not warry, and we both should look after ourselves.
I just want to give you a big hug (((((((((((((((((((((((((Onor))))))))))))))))))))))))))). And a prayer that you got to sleep and a bit of relief from the worry we all know too well. I hope you have a brighter day in the morning.
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I certainly did worry all the time about the ex A boyfriend for years on end. He drove intoxicated all the time. He was often out at all hours. He had many many many accidents.
I worried myself sick. Eventually I learned to detach. Detaching is a very hard thing to do but it is really a great skill. Sometimes we detach in anger and that is not necessarily bad.
Some people in this program can detach with love I think that is probably the most advanced detaching. Some of us can detach a minute at a time. When I was worried sick about the now ex A I was often physically ill with worry. I really had to work on giving the responsibility for life back to the A. He was a grown man and had to make his own decisions. I softened the blow for him for years. Eventually I stopped doing that. Guess what he lived on without me being there as a trampoline for him to spring off all the time.
