The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi everybody.
This is my first time on this site and i am pleased in a way.
I have been married for 12y and have 2 children with my husband.
I only today actually tried to find how much is too much to drink.
and discovered that its 1,5 pint a day or 14 (units a wek, or just about 9,5 pints a week. if i got it right.
And itsof course different if the spirits are stronger.
Well my husband drinks far more than that. Especially at the weekends. He got a back eye recently at the bar, and cant remember most of the times he comes home after drinking.
When i mention that his drinking is distructive we end up arguing and he is calling me names and saying that i was always a boring person and dont know how to enjoy life. I do not deink at all. And he always says that i should start.
He blames me for brainwashing kids about his drinking, though they dont need me to tell them anythig if they see it.
It is sad as i am in denial myself sometimes that we have this problem, and trying to hide it under the carpet.
I also suffer from GAD and he is not supportive at all when i have set backs.
We both work full time, he has been unemployed for 6m and now works away, and we speak on skype mainly. His drinking got much worse since he started working away, he lost so many valuebles and keys since then during his sessions...He cant remeber most of them but as soon as i start pointing at it he cuts the phone conversation off and makes it looks loke its all my fault and i am to be blamed for everything.
He had raptured ulcer and lost 2 L of blood few months ago. It stopped him drinking for 3 weeks, but after he continued more heavily.
It is hard even for me to admit that he has drinking problem.
But he is in 100% denial.
I read on here that family should not stand still once one person with drinking problem in the family causes discomfort.
I am therefore going to stop getting upset and just do what i have to do and let him learn the hard way. The only concern for me now are the children.
I cant tell him and point at his problem with alcohol anymore - let other people do this.
Most of his family members drink more than 14 units a week. Thats why prob he thinks its fine...
Thanks for reading.
Welcome to MIP, I loved your honestly about being in denial (been there). I hope you can get to face to face meeting, reading al-anon litreature helps so that you can understand how al-anon works and gives you tools for detaching and setting healthy boundries that make you feel better.
In support
Simone x
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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
If you can read the book Getting Them Sober, Toby Rice Drew .. it's a great read, very short. It is an information packed book and there are actually different volumes. I hope you will keep coming back. One of the biggest sayings on the board is he's going to (fill in the blank) drink, drug, whatever else .. what are YOU going to do? The answer for me was getting to meetings, reading lit and making changes in my own life. I learned that I am powerless over the disease of alcoholism and no matter what I did nothing was going to change him. I sure have made big changes for myself. We all have arrived at similar and different answers to that question. I apply it often in my day to day living now and life has gotten a whole lot easier.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
What you are feeling is exactly how many of us have felt. That is why we found alanon . When I walked in the doors of alanon I was in utter anger, pain, and sadness. I too thought that hubby should be taking care of me and not focused on himself.
The truth of the matter is that alcoholism is a progressive disease and the alcoholic is the only one who can take care of it. We who live with the disease develop feelings of fear anger sadness to match our partner That is why we need to attend a support group and learn to TAKE Care of Ourselves
