The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Is it a good idea to clean up the mess your addicted loved one/family member leaves behind once they are in a rehab facility? Especially if it is the home of the addict alone- is there wisdom in waiting for the recovering addict to return so they can see the mess created while using? Perhaps then helping them to clean up if they'd want the help?
Is it helpful (in the long run) to clean for them, or is it controlling? Even creating a denial of reality?
I also wonder: how often is this an area where family members clash, and tend to place blame on one another for what they do or don't do?
This is just my opinion on this subject. I think it's really important to wait and allow the addict to clean up their own mess, home or otherwise.
It can be very self deflating if I'm not in a place of good self esteem and while I can't speak for the addict in your life I know for me I had no self esteem coming into alanon and it's wobbly from time to time anyway. So having both small and large areas that I am successful in makes a huge difference in how I feel about me. I would speculate it is important for everyone to feel a sense of accomplishment.
That is their home and they have to find a way to cope. It's not to say you can't help if asked however there is a difference between helping and then stepping in and doing it all. That's not helping that is controlling and even enabling.
I'm not sure what you mean about this being an area that family members clash in and blame. That scenerio is part of the whole cycle of the addiction dysfunction junction. It's why it's so important that people do go to a program such as alanon so they can own their part and nothing more than just what their part in the situation was the good, bad and the ugly.
Welcome to the boards I hope you keep coming back, hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
