I went to PA this weekend for our family Christmas Party. I drove up with my dad and we had some nice chats on the way up...nothing about my A.....it was nice to spend some time alone with my dad. My stepmother and stepsisters came up ans well, both with their respective boyfriends.  They are wonderful people, however, I felt sad as the only person uncoupled. When my sepmother was taking pictures of the girls and their boyfriends, she turned to me to take a picture and I had to excuse myself....my eyes were all filled up with tears. There were 27 people at the party....all my stepmother's family.  They are wonderful people, and I do like them alot. And since my mother's death and the death of subsequent members of her family this is my family. However, these were not people that know me since birth, or even very well for that matter. In many senses I feel as if I don't "fit" in with them,soemwhat disconnected....I found some time to speak with my Aunt M who is my stepmother's brother's wife. I love her to death and she is an ACOA who has struggled with anxiety and depression most of her life....she is very "real" to me and we spoke briefly about my separation and my A.  She got it! We spoke for a while and since I am off the same week as her, I am going to go spend some time with she and my uncle next week. I am looking forward to it....I kept to myslef most of the time at the party, but the drive home I got to talk to my dad some more. I learned new things about my dad...which I always enjoy. I guess the point of this whole rant is that through my sadness and isolation I came to find moments where I connected.  And in the end it was OK.