well this morning a came home. we had a bit of a talk. he wants sobriety i told him he knows where to look etc. it has to be something worked on everyday. then went to his grandparents and i had my first meal in like a week. still didnt feel too hungry though. and still have my headache. day five. then we went to his other side of the family's christmas party. then we went to a concert called holy hands. it was a hip play with tons of singing all devoted to god. it made me feel so close to god and i had a great time. it really touched me. my a got to see all his old friends from his church and said to me he is going to eliminate his drinking/ drugging friends from his life and bring the old ones back in and begin going to church again. ha we'll see. i just have anger towards him right now but am doing well at telling him how i feel but not screaming. i did not sleep well last night cause of my stupid headache. hope i can tonight. trying so hard to take care of myself. i dont feel depressed ive been through depression many times before and this doesnt feel like it. someone in chat early this morning mentioned it could be me going through acceptance. which seems true to me. acceptance that my a might not ever be sober and acceptance we may not be together forever. but time will tell. im not ready to make that decision yet. i can only take it odat. he'll do what he wants to do. i will keep working my program. keep exercising which i am beginning to feel great. try to get my appetite back, i have no idea whats going on there. my house is clean and i love it. im beginning to see things im greatful for in my life. and im so greatful for all of you.