The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had to write a paper for my final exam in my Written communications course at college. I think I did a good job. Anyone want to see it? If you do just say so.
I havent been working hard at all this semester so for me it is only a break from on campus where as you know for most people it would be for a break from homework and studying. I'm glad you would like to see my paper and I hope others will too.
Thanks all for wanting to read my paper! Here it is:
Roles of Children of Alcoholics
The word role is usually applied to plays. For example, an actor and an actress each have a different role in a play. Roles can also be applied to families. The general role of parents is to take care of and raise their child or children. Well in an alcoholic family, children usually take on four distinct roles: the Hero, the Scapegoat, the Lost Child, and the Mascot. The different roles are commonly but not always taken on by different children, each one having a certain role and sometimes one child will take on two roles at once. I, myself, being a "child" that grew up in an alcoholic home feels that I took on all four roles at different times while I was growing up.
The first role that a child can take on is the Hero. The Hero is also known as the Responsible Child. The child that usually takes on this role is the oldest child. According to Scharff et. al, the responsible child cooks, cleans, and gets straight As (576). There are positive and negative characteristics of the Hero role. "The positive characteristics are responsible, achiever, independent, leader, and organized. The negative characteristics are feelings of low self-worth, perfectionist, ignores own needs or wants, has a fear of rejection, and difficulty in establishing intimate relationships." (Wegcheider-Cruse "Hero") "Wegscheider (1981) describes the "Hero" as the firstborn child who becomes locked in a triangle with the alcoholic parent at one corner and the enabling spouse at the other. This child is portrayed as taking on the impossible dream of making everything right within the family. The price that the adult "Hero" pays, according to Wegscheider (1981) is often intense anger, psychosomatic problems (stomach ulcers, migraines) and excessive perfectionism." (qtd. in Children of Alcoholics 155)
The second role that a child may take on is the Scapegoat. The Scapegoat is also known as the acting-out child. "The "Scapegoat" usually the second child according to Wegscheider, is left out of the family triangle and thus resorts to acting-out." (qtd. in Children of Alcoholics 155) According to Scharff et. al, the acting-out child is disruptive at home and school and is likely to become a delinquent. (576) There are positive and negative traits of the Scapegoat role. "The positive characteristics are independent, risk taker, pleasure seeker, and enjoy change. The negative characteristics are demanding, personality problems, substance abuse, acts out inappropriately, and accepts displaced blame for family problems." (Wegcheider-Cruse "Scapegoat")
The third role that a child assumes is the Lost Child. The Lost Child is also known as the Adjuster. "The "Lost Child," usually the third child according to Wegscheider, chooses to withdraw into his/her own world. "Lost Children" are depicted as blaming themselves for not fitting into the family. Their continuing seclusion prevents them from acquiring social skills, thereby perpetuating their loneliness." (qtd. in Children of Alcoholics 155) According to Scharff et. al, the adjuster vanishes into the background; goes along with what others want, gets Cs in school. (576) There are positive and negative qualities of the Lost Child role. "The positive characteristics are good observation skills, good listener, autonomy, and not demanding of others. The negative characteristics are denies own feelings, detached, unable to develop close relationships, and depression." (Wegcheider-Cruse "Lost Child")
The last role assumable of a child of an alcoholic is the Mascot. The "Mascot" is also known as the Placater. "Wegscheider (1981) portrays the "Mascot," usually the youngest child, as obtaining attention and relief from anxiety by showing off and being funny. The adult "Mascot" is excessively fearful, manipulative, and unable to focus on tasks for any length of time." (qtd. in Children of Alcoholics 155) According to Scharff et. al, the placater takes care of the emotional needs of family and friends, gets As and Bs." (576) There are positive and negative behaviors of the Mascot role. "The positive characteristics are good sense of humor, makes friends easily, ability to defuse stressful situations, and good social skills. The negative effects are attention seeker, denies reality of own feelings, feelings of unworthiness, and can be superficial." (Wegcheider-Cruse "Mascot")
Unfortunately I am a child of an alcoholic. I have displayed many of these characteristics (positive and negative) throughout my lifetime. I have acted in the Hero role. I am that one at home that cleans the bathroom all the time and the kitchen most of the time. I am independent when it comes to getting myself somewhere. In my senior year of high school, I joined a club at the Red Cross, which is about a 10 to 15 minute bike ride, and I rode my bike there weekly. I have also rode my bike to a grocery store because I needed something and I wasn’t going to wait for the alcoholic in my life to go to the store. The grocery store I rode to is a 30-minute bike ride from my house to there, which ends up being an hour ride for the whole trip. Sometimes if I think about it I realize that my fear of rejection and feelings of low self-worth are part of the reason why I stay single. I have also played the Scapegoat role. The way I have acted as the Scapegoat is by accepting blame for the family problems. For example, I sometime think or say it’s my fault when the alcoholics in my life argue for hours meaning I say I caused it by something I did or said. I act like the Lost Child in the aspect of withdrawing into my own world. At home when I am outside on the deck or in the house but more on the deck with my headphones on I am in my own world listening to music and thinking about a variety of things. I have definitely been a placater at times. Adults that knew me while I was growing up always said that I made friends easily, which was true and remains true. I definitely have feelings of unworthiness. As you can tell I have the characteristics of the different roles of children of alcoholics.
Children of alcoholics use four different roles to survive living with alcoholics. The roles are Hero, Scapegoat, Lost Child, and Mascot. There are positive and negative actions that result from assuming these roles. In conclusion, people aren’t always as they seem sometimes people hide behind walls through their actions.