The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am new to this site but I feel that I need some new strategies in my life to keep my sanity and I was wondering if anyone on here had any ideas. I have been in an abusive relationship which has been getting worse for the past couple of years. My husband has just been sentenced to a two month jail sentence for assaulting me. I feel so alone that my emotions are overtaking my life. I have tried to dis-associate myself from his drinking. Don't get me wrong, we could have a beautiful life together (without the booze). He can't go for more than a couple of days without stealing or hocking something to get alcohol. He has resorted to buying the cheap muscats and wines and guzzling them in order to get in a foul mood and then come home and abuse his family. The last straw was when he kicked in the back door and assaulted me and our 13 year old daughter had to call the Police from a locked bedroom. This is not the way I want to live the rest of my life!! I took a stand and made him deal with the consequences of his actions and now he is in prison. I have my first visit with him on Saturday. Everytime he abuses us after drinking alcohol he is very remorseful and sorry. He tries to control drink. He tries to give it up completely. Eventually the cravings get so bad that he has to get drunk all the time. It used to be only occasionally but now its weekly. I find that if i dis-associate myself from his drinking I'm ignoring part of him. I really don't know what to do? Any ideas from anyone would help. Probably couldn't hurt. By the way I have been to al-anon meetings but haven't been for a while.
Unfortunately at this time I do not have much to offer, other than the thought that you are not alone. As I log on to the computer at 5 am and realize that you posted two hours ago I was in a weird way comforted to know that someone else was not sleeping and had a mind full of junk that they could not sort out either and so they came here.
So know this, YOU ARE NOT ALONE and you have come to the right place. I too, do not want to live this way any longer, but when it is what you know it is so hard to stick to your boundaries.
I will be thinking of you today and praying for you, that much I can offer. As for the Experience, strength and hope, I am here for that too.
Welcome to the Board! You are not alone and you have come to the right place. I am not is the same situation. I can only offer that Alanon meetings and literature have helped me alot. You are fighting the disease of alcoholism that has a grip on your husband. For alcoholics it is an allergy. In the opening of AA meetings it says, alcoholism is a cunning and insidious disease. How true this is.
You have a two-month reprieve to think about how to make life better for you and your children. You didn't say, but have you been to an Al-Anon meeting? I believe you might find help & support there. I would suggest also that you might want to look up a battered women's support group. The name of the game at this point, I believe, is support, support, support! Actively soliciting support can help you make the positive changes you need to make right now. And keep coming back here. You and your children deserve a better life.
My first idea would be to go back to Al Anon meetings. You'll build a support system, you'll gather new tools in dealing with your situation, you'll be around people who really do know how you feel, and you'll be working on your own recovery.
My second idea is more a thought for you to ponder over. This program recommends not making any life altering decisions during the first 6 months of working on it (meaning meetings, sponsor step work etc) but there is an exception and that is IF there is physical violence or the threat of it. In the case not only the program, but the police, family and friends and everyone else recommends getting OUT! Physical abuse just like addiction is a progressive thing. It does not get better untreated, it always always gets worse.
If you can't do this for yourself, then find the strength to do it for your daughter. She doesn't deserve to grow up in this type of situation.
Glad you're here, keep sharing.
__________________
Kathy S --
~*I trust my Higher Power that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my life today.*~
Thank you for all your wonderful thoughts and advice. As the physical violence has been progressively getting worse I am grateful for the advice received so far. I keep thinking of the wonderful life that I had planned with my husband, but due to his disease I am now thinking that I should be focusing more on what makes myself and the kids happy. I will be visiting him in jail for the first time tomorrow morning. I don't really know what is going to happen within the next few months of my life, but I know in the depths of my heart that whatever decision I make has to be right for the kids and I. I am slowly coming to grips with all of this and I really, really, appreciate all your support. Yes I will be going back to my Al-Anon meetings and following the steps with someone. It definitely has to start with me... as we also said in our meetings. Thank you... Thank you.... it really does help to know that you are not alone.
