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Good morning to all. If you can't tell by my username, I am a 28 year old daughter of an alcoholic, actually, of 2, in my opinion. My father is an alcoholic, but I am not considering him a raging alcoholic. My father has been drinking for years on end, having a rum and coke every night, along with my mother. About 7 years ago, he was diagnosed with pancreatitis and has been in the hospital a total of 4-5 times since then. When he goes to the hospital, he has stomach pain and is throwing up....then he comes home, stops for a while, even up to a certain amount of years, but winds up drinking again. My mother fluctuates from getting mad at him to just giving up, BUT, she also has a rum and coke, or two, every night, keeping alcohol in the house to his avail. My mom is on all sorts of medications for her health problems, and keeps drinking, even though she says that she needs to stop also, and needs to keep the alcohol out, which she never does. I constantly try and talk to her in hopes that she will stop, and that instead of getting mad at my father, that she needs to get him help, actually, get them both some help because yelling will do no good. This past summer, I had a beautiful baby girl, their first grandchild, and also got married, so this brightened up their lives...so I thought. My father comes over to watch my daughter on Mondays for 2 hours, but this past Monday he called to say he was sick and couldn't watch her. I found out last night that it was actually the pancreatitis flare up and stopped him from coming over. When I asked my mom about this, she said, well, he didn't know that's what it was because he just started drinking last week. And every time my daughter is around him, she looses her cool and starts screaming uncontrollably. I think this is why...she senses it. I can keep rambling on and on, but to be honest, I'm at my end and am losing my mind. I don't know what to think anymore and am so hurt by all of this. I think the world of my father, and always will, but I am worried about him...and my mom. I cannot afford to have either of them watching my daughter with the chance that either of them will get sick while watching her. My father never drinks around my daughter, but my mom does. My mom always brings her bottle of rum when she stays over, and I'm sure she does the same when my daughter stays over there. My father just drinks at home. But either way, it is not acceptable to me or my husband. I want to, have to, protect my daughter, my family and I do not think I can trust having either of them watch her, 'unsupervised'. And this hurts me the most because I know I'm right. I would never, and will never, deny them the right to see their grandchild or hold her over their heads, but I feel I have to be there when they watch her. And I'm trying to cope with having my father in and out of the hospital myself. I really don't know what to do and am having trouble coping with my feelings. If someone could just listen to me, lend some advice....something...I would really appreciate the ear : )
You have come to the right place. My father was an alcoholic also. Most of my siblings are A's and every man who has been in my life has been an alcoholic or an addict. I stopped putting up with the drinking when my daughter was born. You are absolutely right about them not watching her when they are drinking. You are also right about not holding their grandchild over their head because it won't do any good. You can however learn how to set boundaries with love. Learn the 12 steps and the slogans and read the literature. Talk to the people in the chat room and attend the daily meetings online or face to face in your local community. I have made many friends that I could not live without in this program.
In al-anon there are tools we use to handle living with this terrible disease. The first thing you must understand is that you did not cause it. You cannot control it and you cannot cure it. This is what we call the 3 C's. I have only been involved with al-anon for 16 months. But my attitude and ability to stay calm in the face of the chaos of alcoholism has been my saving grace. I too was angry and was trying to force them not to drink. I was unreasonable and horrible to live with and I did not even know it. I even alienated my baby daughter. Now I am happy and my life is peaceful. But I still need these tools and these people to help me in my recovery. You see...the family of the alcoholic is just as sick as they are. That is why this is called a family disease. We have developed habits and personality traits by being forced to live with the insanity of alcoholism.
I hope you come back and keep talking about it. It works if you work it and you are worth it!
i think it isnt by chance that we all come across this website.
i was in the depts of despair when i broke up with my "A" in august.had been together a year and half... he had been clean and sober a year and 5 mths before meeting me...so i never knew the alcoholic side of him.
well...what a shock i got when he came home drunk one day...and hiigh from pills.
his scumbag friends came back in his life...they came out from rehabs...prisons..etc...and dragged him back to his old way of life within a few weeks.
i never experienced such pain in my whole life....
i left him and our apartment. the trust was gone!
you dont trust your parents around your daughter and rightly so...because god forbid if anything happened your baby while in their care...you would never forgive yourself.
its so hard trying to set up boundaries and rules... with regards to an "A"..or in your case 2.
just so you know...we are all here or you...and believe me...it will get easier to del with once you start posting here regularly.
we are all like a family...(as corny as that sounds)
welcome (((((((daddy's little girl)))))))))) keep coming here and join us in chat. you will learn so much. you will learn to set those boundaries that you need. ex- your parents cant be alone with your daughter. you or hubby has to be there. just a thought. you will learn how to cope with alcoholism. you are in the right place and you are not alone.
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stay in the now...dont look forward, dont look back....your life is what you make of it
You have come to the right place. Just saying it out loud helps me alot and takes some my personal power back. I agree with the others. There are lots and lots of tools with Alanon. One of them is "One day at a time". Sometimes that is one minute at a time. Some people have an allergy to alcohol and their body can't take it. The more they use the more they need and the more their bodies can't break it down.
Thank you SO very much for listening to me. I really need to figure out how to handle my issues with this and I think this is a start. I am in the process of finding meetings around my area and have told both of my parents I am doing so. I know my parents would never do anything intentionally to harm my daughter, but it's not the 'intentionally' part that concerns me...it's the, "something could always happen" and I hear what you are saying. That is what my mother has trouble with. I seem to have more issues with my mother than with my father, who is in the hospital! My mother is a child...talking to her is like talking to a child and it frustrates me to no end. I have, and never will, put my daughter between us, but she always thinks I am and there is no talking to her about it! I know what I have to do, and it hurts me so much, but I have to do it. I know my father will understand and I would hope that he would work towards bettering himself......I believe in him. It's my mom that I do not believe in.....besides her drinking and all the medication she's on, she has some mental issues that she needs to take care of and won't. I know that is her decision and hers only. My thing is, I have to get help for myself and figure out how to cope with these situations, and I have to do it soon. What a start to the holidays! LOL Thank you again for listening......I will be returning. Unfortunately, I can only come on during work, at least until I get my computer up and running at home, but that will be soon. I look forward to speaking with you again
of an alcoholic, actually, of 2, in my opinion. My father is an alcoholic, but I am not considering him a raging alcoholic. My father has been drinking for years on end, having a rum and coke every night, along with my mother. About 7 years ago, he was diagnosed with pancreatitis and has been in the hospital a total of 4-5 times since then. When he goes to the hospital, he has stomach pain and is throwing up....then he comes home, stops for a while, even up to a certain amount of years, but winds up drinking again. My mother fluctuates from getting mad at him to just giving up, BUT, she also has a rum and coke, or two, every night, keeping alcohol in the house to his avail. My mom is on all sorts of medications for her health problems, and keeps drinking, even though she says that she needs to stop also, and needs to keep the alcohol out, which she never does. I constantly try and talk to her in hopes that she will stop, and that instead of getting mad at my father, that she needs to get him help, actually, get them both some help because yelling will do no good. This past summer, I had a beautiful baby girl, their first grandchild, and also got married, so this brightened up their lives...so I thought. My father comes over to watch my daughter on Mondays for 2 hours, but this past Monday he called to say he was sick and couldn't watch her. I found out last night that it was actually the pancreatitis flare up and stopped him from coming over. When I asked my mom about this, she said, well, he didn't know that's what it was because he just started drinking last week. And every time my daughter is around him, she looses her cool and starts screaming uncontrollably. I think this is why...she senses it. I can keep rambling on and on, but to be honest, I'm at my end and am losing my mind. I don't know what to think anymore and am so hurt by all of this. I think the world of my father, and always will, but I am worried about him...and my mom. I cannot afford to have either of them watching my daughter with the chance that either of them will get sick while watching her. My father never drinks around my daughter, but my mom does. My mom always brings her bottle of rum when she stays over, and I'm sure she does the same when my daughter stays over there. My father just drinks at home. But either way, it is not acceptable to me or my husband. I want to, have to, protect my daughter, my family and I do not think I can trust having either of them watch her, 'unsupervised'. And this hurts me the most because I know I'm right. I would never, and will never, deny them the right to see their grandchild or hold her over their heads, but I feel I have to be there when they watch her. And I'm trying to cope with having my father in and out of the hospital myself. I really don't know what to do and am having trouble coping with my feelings. If someone could just listen to me, lend some advice....something...I would really appreciate the ear : )