Well, it seems you have some things in common but you say you are married & happy with things at home.  Everyone is different, but for me infidelity would be unforgivable.

When I was married, our Priest told us it was important to have our own lives & friends.  My ex was very controlling & isolated me from everyone, including my family.  He was a manipulative, insecure bully.

However, we always had a strong physical/sexual relationship.  I'm sure if that was poor or unsatisfying, I wouldn't have hung around as long as I did.  I am pretty psycho about fidelity, I have never cheatted on anyone.  I guess, depending on how far you are considering going with this, think about how you would feel if the tables were turned.

We all end up doing what we want in the end anyway.  I got married in "the church."  My ex & I had made a pact that we would talk to each other first if we ever were attracted to or wanted someone else.  I could see how ppl would go crazy & kill in a passionate rage.  Turns out my ex was pretty perverted, he would have loved it if I would have let him bring another man home - it really freaked me out & hurt me psychologically.

Focus on yourself, only you can know what it right for you.  I have had great & close male friends that were supportive of me & never got involved with them sexually.  Just my humble opinion.

-Kitty

Dear Liliana,

For some bizarre, freaky reason, I am attracted to As..... even if I see someone on TV and think, he nice, bet your boots, few weeks later there will be big article on his alcoholism, dont know how I do it, but I do.

Maybe you are vulnerable, how could I tell? Just want to share this experience with you:

My A daughter went to AA 5 yrs ago, as soon as she stopped drinking, medical problems surfaced, she had to have her gall bladder removed, she was jaundiced, and had hepatitus (spell?).

Anyway, her AA friends rallied round, they visited her in hospital (complications - she was there for ages), but, one "special" AA friend was there, made me suspicious, he much older, very handsome, huge bouquets, chocolates, charm oozed from every pore! (Actually, if he had not been there for my daughter, I might have fallen for the package myself! lol).

Anyway, there came the time when my daughter said not to mention him to her other AA friends, she had been advised to resist relationships for the time being, she was new to the fellowship. Made me feel very uncomfortable. Then, he gave me a lift home from the hospital, and, (he nearly as old as me), I spelt it out for him - if he was messing around, I would embarrass him in front of his friends, my girl was sober, and, dont know how I knew, but I did, he was pretending.... i.e. watch your step or else!!!!

Well, he dropped her like a hot potato, I was terrified. Thankfully, she continued to recover, and saw him for what he was, and is, a 13 stepper - there are people who prey on those who are vulnerable, and AA is a great opportunity for them.

The story did not end there, 3 years later, he turned up at alanon - I was opening the meeting, I pretended not to have seen him before. He left like a bullet at the end of the meeting.

Now, with some recovery, I feel that I could deal with him without rancour, but, he is a married man with 3 children, his wife thinks he recovering, thinks AA his salvation, but I know, it is where he goes to pick up girls. Sorry, but that is the truth of it, take what you like, leave the rest.

We are all different, I am sure many people find partners through AA and Alanon (in fact, I know they do). You are not, at this time, free..... but your friend seems to be moving in on you anyway - does that feel OK with you?

Of course he is going to find you attractive - you are attractive!

Please understand, I would never judge you, only looking out for you!

Lots of love,

Flora
xxxxx

PS My father's wisdom ( he long dead, but it still works! ) If he OK, bring him to meet your family, love is wonderful, thrives on fresh air! (ie out in the open)