The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I feel very confused. I have had days of mental torment.I feel very guilty of my feelings,i feel like i have been a waking dead.My nights seems very confused i have endless dreams fearing that i have been trying to question my relationship with a loving God.It feels like i have always had a clear concious contact with a loving God but yet i feel like on the other hand there has always been another dark power that seems quite ruthless controlling my mind and leading me to places and in dreams that are very scarey such as the devil been after me and my daughter yet i have been trying to understand all that i have ever heard or experienced yet i am trying to figure out why i think i am a bad person and feel like i have to blame for my defects and pay for acting blindly or else controlled. I am praying that i can just stop blaming myself for my confusion and beliefs that are beyond my human undersatnding.i feel that i am a human being who has gotten mixed up in alot of confusion in trying to reason with the unreasonable. i feel like am just acting on the basis of my imagination hence neglecting my child and myself the fear of God and devil is overwhelming.I want just to stop rationalizing and all my life trying to figure out whats right and wrong.I feel like am rushing myself through life instead of just simply living a day at a time and appreciating or else counting my blessings and living in the present moment accepting that A loving God blesses us and everything thats good comes from him.I feel grateful for my life and what i have been blessed with and be contented with what i have and pray that i stop judging myself so harshly as well as trying not to push away the love and the goodness that my HP has always blessed me with and trust that the world is in good hands and that we are all loved in one way or another.I need to keep the focus on the programme as by doing that i have been able to accept life as it is and just iam just a normal human being and stop striving for perfection but progress. It is my desire just to keep it simple and to have trust and faith in loving God of my understanding who help us regardless of what we have done in the past but forgive us and help us to forgive ourselves and others and guide us according to his plan for us.
Thanks for your post. ((((((((Hopeful)))))) When I started working the program my feelings were opened up alot and feelings came into my dreams too. AS long as we go through it and not around it, I believe we do get healthier. Keep on posting and coming back. I was struck by the "keep it simple". That is helping me today. your friend in recovery, cdb :)
hi ya hopeful I hear ya re the insane - yesterday my healthier sis and I meet at our mamma grave. I bring flowers - the girl has been dead 13 - 14 years./? Then I had to drive back home - some one hundred miles to my place. I thought I was seeing things that were not there. U will b so proud of me - I get lost in a cloverleaf on the freeway. I have to call on h p to get me out of the mess - I think I'm going nuts - I keep saying help to hp. I keep the deep breathing going on and giving it to holy spirit. He / she - it gets me out of the loop. I had to keep holding onto the faith! Faith is not faith until its all one holds onto. Regards, \/\/ille
