The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been having a lot of ups and downs. I have had a couple of good days but then the bad days overtake me. On those bad days, I have trouble applying the principles of this program, changing the old tapes to new and getting out of my own head. I become so totally overwhelmed that things become meaningless and worthless. I become scared of myself. I feel worthless and energy less.
I know I must apply the principles of the program and dig my way out of my head… but am having a lot of trouble doing that. Does anyone have any suggestions of how they get themselves out of the gloom when they are feeling too overwhelmed to move?
When I'm stressed, down, or anxious, I often noticed that I sit, isolate, and just can't seem to get moving. I've realized that this is partly because I'm sure that I'll be able to think my way out of my funk. Or, I just naturally head into a tailspin in my head--negative thinking, obsessive problem solving, etc. For me, I've had to make sure that I get out of my head and grounded in reality physically--i.e. get moving, to feel better. Are there any physical activities that you might enjoy? Here's a short list of things that have helped me: talking a short walk to look at the fall trees, getting a massage, going to my favorite coffee shop and ordering tea, calling a friend for lunch at a place with nice atmosphere, going for a long leisurely swim. Part of it for me is that I literally need a change of scenery, and I need new, often sensual information--seeing pretty things, smelling yummy food, listening to great music, feeling the water against me as I swim--all are helpful to me. During my activity, I try to keep my thoughts on the activity itself. If my thoughts try to distract me, I just return to focusing on the activity. Through this process, I start to be in the moment rather than in my head. I start to feel clearer, more centered, and grounded. Then, I'm in a better space when I pick up Al-Anon literature or try to apply the program principles, and they are more effective. One thing that helps me, is to have these types of activities built into my life on a regular basis. It's a great way to take care of myself consisently.
When I'm having bad days, it has helped me to LOOK really LOOK at what's going on with me. I might gently ask myself, what's going on, honey? What is making you sad/mad/down? It's like doing a mini-investigation on me.LOL. I gently trace over my day and I notice the first moment when my day started to get off track. Sometimes, it's a negative, habitual pattern of something that I say to myself that got me down or its a particular type of interaction with a coworker that I don't handle well. With this information, I feel more empowered to make changes. It's no longer ONE HUGE BAD DAY that I have to resolve but it's that moment this morning when I was mean to myself that I can gently change, and make amends to myself.
If you're feeling more than the temporary, ordinary set of the blues, feeling down, you may also want to explore whether or not you're suffering from depression that could benefit from treatment.
As you have reached out in your quest for some E,S.H.. you have already shared a piece of your bad day. That I have learned can be the greatest step I take when dealing with those days. I found myself a few years back reaching a decision point with my wayward alcoholic, and although I had thought through my decision and was ready, I thought, to accept the possible outcome which ended up being that he moved out and I was left with three kids.... this being after 10 years of Al-anon... I found myself caught up in lots of bad days.... without the help and support of my alanon and church families I'm not quite sure if I could of moved forward the way I've been blessed to do. With the help of my sponsor she helped me to see that I was definitely having too many bad days and then I was able to see that with all the tools I had available to me, I was at a point that I could not get to them... it was as if I couldn't open the lock on my tool box... and with that I finally had to accept that I needed to reach out for some help with depression.
For the "normal" bad days now I can accept that they too are a part of my daily living and embrace with gratitude the help I can seek if they get too tough.
I woke up this morn feeling down because both my brother and husband are having cancer tests (brother today, husband monday) after each already having had cancer.
I need to get out of my house, keep busy, until the results are back. I cant think that they have cancer again until its actually proven. Hard thing to do.
I experienced the same thing in the past. The only thing that worked for me was getting a sponsor and really working this program, as in the steps and all the stepwork that goes along with it. Just knowing the tools of the program isn't enough. We have to actively use them and in order to do that we have to learn how. For me, I found I simply could not do it alone. Just as an addict can't get clean on their own, we also need help in our recovery. I needed a sponsor to guide me. I needed to force myself to go to face to face meetings and participate. I needed to read my literature daily and force myself to put into practice the tools I was learning. I needed to really put my trust in God and ask for and accept His help.
I know some days it can seem an impossible mountain to climb. Some days life can seem so overwhelming that just getting out of bed feels like too much to handle. Those are the times when we must rely on God to help us through. All we have to do is pray and ask. We're all here for you, you're not alone and together we CAN recover.
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Kathy S --
~*I trust my Higher Power that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my life today.*~
I do what I least feel like doing at times like that... I reach out to program friends. I come here to the board and read, sometimes post (as you did). I go into the chat room. I email my sponsor. I have a few times picked up the phone and called someone. Sometimes I just don't feel like doing any of the above, so I force myself to get up and do something constructive around the house... whether it be laundry, dishes, tidying up, weeding... whatever... and then I'm more in the mood to reach out. I realize I have choices now... and one of those choices is choosing how I am going to feel that day. If I want to feel better, then I start doing something to make myself feel better (like the above). If I want to just wallow in my feeling for a while, then I do so. Sometimes you just need a good cry to help cleanse it out, to release it all, ya know? The worst thing I can do to myself is to just stuff what I feel and never acknowledge it... I end up blowing up like a volcano when I do that.
"When I got busy, I got better." Always amazes me how true that statement is. Remember, into every life some rain must fall so that there can be growth. Glad you shared with us today!
Luv, Kis
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
Honey, that's completely normal. Nobody feels like using the program when they're in a down swing. It takes practice and time. Keep coming back. Keep trying. You're doing better than you know.
Aron 
