The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today is one of those days I think I will pack a bag and move into the rooms and never leave. My step-father called me and said that my ex called him and threatened to press charges. Supposedly the school called him today and asked if it was okay for my to pick my son up and he didn't think much of it and said yes. The school thought he was the kids dad and told their dad he impersonated him. Anyway, nothing can come of it and their dad is jsut angry. He even invited me to come pick my daughter up. I'm going to wait before jumping on that one so I don't walk into a trap or a mess. I told him I can wait until we go to court and now he is sounding like he may not want to go to court and just wants everything to go away. This afternoon he was determined to go to court and file for custody. I told him tonight since he was so confident that he's win that I was okay with that. My HP would see that the outcome would happen that was best for the kids and at the very minimum I would get visitation every other weekend and a few months through the summer, which is more than he tried to give me for the past month. Either way, I win by keeping a relationship with my children.
My husband "A" called me tonigh and said he is terrified and feels so much pressure to stay clean because my getting the kids back may depend on it. He said he wants to do well and leave the drugs alone, but doesn't want to give up the marijuana. He said he would try for me and the kids, but doesn't want that for himself. He does want to stay away from the cocaine, crack, meth and pills. I am angry that I put myself in a position that my future and that of my children depend on an addict. Yet, I am not ready to walk away. Will it take me possibly losing my kids to walk away and get over him? I hope not.
Who is their dad to question my parenting when he hasn't even been there? I would never let anything happen to my babies. Tonight he had the nerve to have his girlfriend tell me how to give my son his bedtime medicine. As if I haven't been giving him meds all his life? It may not appear so by my staying with my husband, but my kids come first in my life and I would never let anything happen to them or put them in a situation I felt were out of hand. They even had my eight year old daughter get on the phone to tell me that I better not ever come to the school to try to pick her up and I shouldn't have come to pick up her brother. I told her that he misses his sister and she said "That doesn't mean he wanted to come home. Why did you do that?" That really hurt me.
You need to spend some quality quiet time in contemplation and soon.
I am sure your ex-husband put your daughter in the middle and told her what to say to you! Typical scared behavior, using the kids. Don't hold it against your daughter, she was doing what she was told is my guess. And when they are young and in the middle they are people pleasers. Kids are resiliant no matter how things come out in the end, and like you said you know you are a good Mom and your HP will do what i s right for your children. You lean on your faith, and don't give up. We are here for you no matter what.
josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
I just went through this last year! You are right! You know your babies and how to take care of them. Our higher power when relied on makes sure it will all be ok. I am so sorry that you are going through this. But I am glad that you are here and have alanon to help you through it. I never would have made it if it were not for these rooms.
The alcoholic/addict in your life has a life that is spiraling out of control. He needs to grasp what ever control he can. He will say/do anything to keep things the way they are because he knows what to expect.
The girlfriend phoning to tell you how to administer your son's meds are just his way of holding on for dear life. He knows what is happening. He is losing everything that is important to him cause he is a slave to the disease!
Pray for patience and compassion. That doesn't mean you have to concede, it just means that you ask God (or the higher power of your choice) for the tools you need to not take this crap to heart. You need to remain strong, and teach your children well.
Attack some literature. Pour your heart out into a journal, but keep the focus on you. Don't let him or his girlfriend steal the spotlight. when either of them come into your life, just nod your head and smile
Hold on my friend. The beginning of the journey is always the hardest. Once you get used to the terrain the ride becomes a little more tolerabale. At least, that is what I find.
