The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have had plenty of time to think, I know scary thing, today while I am at work. A thought just hit me, am I really progressing in my program? Sure my "A" went out all night, he was doing what he does while he is active. I am upset over this, again, so am I progressing if it still hurts.
Sure I know that I didn't cause him to go out, I can't control his going out, and I know I can't cure him. I know I am powerless over his disease. I have given him to God. I know I am doing all the right things. I know I am exactly were I need to be, so in that sence, so is he. I know there is nothing I can do for him, but continue to love him.
I know I need to focus on me. I know I need a meeting, and I am going to one tonight, be it here or a f2f. I know I need to call my sponsor, I don't think I can talk to her without crying, so I am waiting until I get home to call her. I am going to put a daily reader in my purse tonight so I will bring it to work tomorrow, I need one here.
But I keep feeling the same old feelings. Is that really progress?
Just wondering.
Much Love,
__________________
"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
(((dolphin))) feelings are feelings, and no matter how much we practice our programs, they won't go away. what we do get is the gradual ability not to ACT on our feelings. we can feel them, talk them out (with someone who understands), get some perspective through reading or praying, but we don't need to act on them. sometimes i still do, but more often than not now I don't, which helps me feel a whole lot better about myself. sounds like you are doing a lot of great things for yourself - good for you! sounds like progress to me :)
What worked for me, was to measure progress over a longer time period.... For instance, compare where you "were" one year ago, and two years ago, etc., and I'll bet that you can recognize tremendous growth and progress...
Even when you are hurting, or obsessing, or worrying about the future, etc. - a lot of times we still fall back on those things, but find that we break out of those habits sooner than before.... Remember the saying of "progress, not perfection".... We never really, truly, "get there" - so it is the journey, and the progress, that keeps us going...
Take care
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Sounds like great progress to me! Way to work your program :) This reminds me of the Fake it until you make it saying. I found that after alot of practicing, the natural detatchment came later. Hang in and keep coming back :) cdb :)
