I used to feel the same way Kitty.  I felt like I was in a tug of war with cocaine for my husbands life.  Honestly, that's how I felt.  I'd lose one battle, only to become more determined NOT to lose the next one.  Just like the Big Book talks about.  I fit that description to a t at one time.  Still could if I let myself fall back into that mode.

What really helped me get past feeling that way, was when I truley accepted addiction as a disease.  That's when I said to myself.......Could you cure cancer? diabetes? asthma?  Ok than why the hell do you think you can cure addiction??  It just sorta fell into place for me one day in my own head.  Like one of those lightbulb moments we hear of.

You're right, it is trauma and drama but we have a choice of whether we allow ourselves to play into that trauma and drama, or if we decide we will not be drawn into it and just go about our lives.  How do we do that?  Well first we have to GET a life that doesn't revolve around the addict and his addiction.  At one point I was so caught up in him and everything he was or wasn't doing, that if someone asked me what I actually wanted to do in life I had no idea.  I had to slowly start focusing on myself and learning what I liked to do and what I enjoyed.  It takes time.  Taking care of ourselves is a lifelong commitment.