The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Tonight I am sharing at our Al Anon meeting in Falls Church Virginia (Unity Club). My theme is "Al Anon problem solving" . I started my afternoon confused and foggy, worried about a number of problems. Plenty of alcoholism in our extended family background. But right now the issues are not about that. My younger daughter's sore arm makes her despair about her career as a violinist in a fine orchestra; my other daughter's job and financial problems. How to deal with a vacation home whose rentals are not keeping up with costs. My physical problems and the rigorous exercises I need to do if I want to stay fit enough to meet my Masters swimming competition needs.
Thanks for the two responses - I saw only how to get to one- thanks!
The first insight is just a practical matter. Living in a hot climate in summer - Northern Virginia-DC area we found out the hard way that salt deficiency can make us woozy and feel tired - not good for problem solving. Some years ago my wife even passed out and was taken to the hospital - where the salt deficiency due to drinking lots of water while sweating out her salt proved to be the cause. So if I'm dead tired and my head feels full of cotton - I take salt - lick it up or drink a can of V-8.
Next if I'm feeling overwhelmed and confused, I have to get out of the drivers seat and let my higher power take over. There may be others, program members, family, or friends I can also get help from.
Finally, the serenity prayer comes into active use. First a list of all tasks - just dash them down and then number them in order of importance. Often there's so much I can't possibly do it all. Instead of just abandoning everything out of frustration, e.g. going to the refrigerator and doing a "food solution, it's been suggested to work on the highest priority items. At least that way we know our time is spent on the most important areas.
Then, for each problem it's suggested that the most effective thing is to break it down into more manageable parts. One set may require "accepting the things we cannot change", and another may be those that we can change if we ask for the courage. Again asking God for wisdom where the choice is tough - or God's helpers in the form of other people is key.
-- Edited by Frank1 on Monday 4th of June 2012 10:19:44 PM
For me, I find that no one thing in and of itself works if I am in deep confusion. So I use a blend: - Meetings, - talking to my sponsor - talking to someone after a meeting - mini 4th and 5th step - this helps in a lot of ways, one way being that I get the thoughts out of my head, - praying for help. - talking to myself gently in my head when I am afraid, to soothe me - journaling
That said, I just got through weeks of obsessive worry, which only ceased today after I finally let myself see what I really wanted and stopped trying to force myself to do what I thought was "the right thing".
Frank1, How did your sharing at the meeting go? What did you share?
There are people who specialize in helping musicians with nerve and muscle problems. Somebody at a music institute, or with a big orchestra should be able to steer you. My daughter is a musician--not a violinist--and she was helped locally by a good acupuncturist, when her hands were affected by her playing. Good luck.
A vacation house that isn't paying for itself can be sold--even at a loss, it's one less worry.
There are plenty of really fit Yogis who do exercises that aren't rigorous.
We aren't supposed to give advice, so just consider all of this as an extended "Hi, and Welcome to the Board!"
I thought it was just mothers who worried about their children. You're the second man today who has told me otherwise.
I am worried that my big oak trees that have put out lots fewer leaves this year are dying because of the drought, or maybe we overwatered? Watered too lightly and too often? Not at the dripline? (I wasn't in charge of the watering.) I think an arborist could answer my questions, and I'm afraid to call. Becaise the shade of those trees. in my mind, is what makes living here possible. If they go, I have to move. This gets to be like one of those commercials about the dire things that can happen if one doesn't have cable TV.
Thanks for posting, Temple
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
I think the edit function times out after a while.
I would suggest just update the thread with a reply here. :)
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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
How do I always run across a post that describes my exact experience?
Woke up this morning to a dog peeing on the floor, another dog panting and acting strange, the power bill is over due (because I've been shouldering all the bills for 3 months) and having to ask a stressed out 22 day sober A for help with the bill. She's freaking out because her dog is the one acting strange. She's freaking out to me because I used to be in the pet industry for 14 years. I feel like I'm shouldering everything for the both of us!
She walked right past the pee. She didn't call the vet. I cleaned the pee. I will not be calling the vet - I caught myself there. And I insisted she write me a check before she left for at least the power bill.
Two out of three is a good start, no?
I wish I could go back to sleep and re-wake! But since I can't, I have talked to myself nicely. That is a huge effort. But it is getting easier every day. I Dealt with the problems that were within my power to get them behind me and pull some of the noise out of the circus in my head! Another problem is going to be dealt with today. I made a conscious effort to remove that from the circus.
The tools I usually use are writing (because when you see it written, sometimes you can be objective and realize how to deal with your feelings), walking, taking my bike on a ride, or something that draws all of my attention so that I can focus down to just that (online games, reading, visiting a friend) and more often than not, I will have an accidental epiphany to solve one or multiple worries.
My mom always says to take baby steps and not to swim upstream. Don't tell her I said this, but she is right!
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"Everything that has ever happened to us is there to make us stronger." - John Trudell
