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Hi, everyone, I am not new to alanon. I came here 2 yrs ago, trying to cope with my substance and alcohol abusing brother. He at the time, was kicked out of his house, and was living in a homeless shelter, while the city cleaned up his home, that he had trashed to the point of it not being safe for a human to live in. I felt so sorry for him, and tried to give him support. Our mother had passed away, and he was not dealing with her death well at all. I felt so alone.(father too, an A, gone out of our lives for 24 yrs) He would come back to his house, leave, go live in a motel or homeless shelter, couldn't find a job, lost his car, everything he had. He finally did get back into his home...had no utilities, they were all turned off.. no lights, no heat..he used garbage bags for toilet. He was so lost, so alone..an alcoholic at the end...just out of substance abuse rehab. There was no place left for him there. He was depressed, and felt old beyond his yrs...he cut his wrists, sat in a chair for awhile, then lay down and died on his couch. That's where I found him, 3 months after. Such a horror, I cannot even begin to describe. Yet, he found the peace he was looking for. He wrote me an 11 page letter describing his life..and the fault of his Alcoholic father, who told him what a loser he was...and was right. (wrong) his trying to take care of his aging mother..he took her to the hosp. where she died of a heart attack. his constant battle with drugs and alcohol, and his love for me, his one and only sister. and my children ,his niece and nephew. We were all he had..and yet at the end he pushed us away too. This disease is so horrible. Like a snake it writhes and winds itself around the victim and the life is taken, either by death or separation. Im so angry this disease thinks it won this time. He is gone, but not forgotten. I have to find myself on another step. A step for recovery after losing an A to the addiction. and I find myself falling off that step too many times..I didn't see this coming.Thank you all for your support. Its been a rollercoaster of emotions. I had to learn to live with him as an A, now I have to learn to live without him..and that's much harder. In loving tribute to my brother , Michael, shine on , you crazy diamond..his favorite song, by pink floyd. ( buried april 26, 2005, age 44, never married,no children. )
((((((((((((((supportive sympathetic hugs)))))))))))) My heart goes out to you. God Bless You and Michael who is so loved by his sister and her children. What a great tribute you just gave here for him. cdb
hello kat - am so sorry about your brother, I remember you we used to talk in the room. This damn disease i actually hate it . cunning baffling and powerful somehow just dosent seem strong enough right now. As you said he is at peace now some find it much harder to live. again am so sorry for your loss. Louise
i hope you can look at the fact that he loved you and your kids enough to write to you and hold that in your heart, rather than what must of been an awful scene. hes at peace, bless your heart..i hope you can find some now. there is a positive in there someplace.
My heart goes out to you as I share your pain. My son, my Michael is an A, for 20 years now. Eternal peace to your Michael how lucky he was to have a loving sister like you here on earth.
Deepest sympathies to you and your family. He was very lucky to have a sister like you. He's at peace now, and his war is over. He will always live on in your heart and your children's. May you find the peace to let go of the anger.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I cant add much to what others have said......my sympathy for your loss and my prayers that you can find your own peace now about this and remember the beautiful person who took the time to write you that letter.
Hello Kat. The others have said it all so well, but I want to add my condolences. My prayers are with you and your family. And Michael too. What a terrible tragedy. I am so sorry. Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
(((Kat4u))) I am so sorry for the loss of your brother.
That is a terrible tradegy.
Thank-you for posting this. My friends brother died of alcoholism in a similar way. He lost his family and then moved in with her.
She had him live there for 3 years until she broke and could not live with the alcoholism, it was destroying her too. Then he ended up 2 years later dead on the street..
I am so very very sorry for your loss
Megan
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Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
thank you all for your sympathy...and it is good to see people I used to chat with long ago...I have returned to alanon meetings, and chat here, so I hope to see my "old" friends again along with the new. Michael was a very special person...even if no one truly understood his addiction, I could see past it. I'm dealing with all kinds of issues, including the father, who came back into my life, the memories he brings with him..bad ones...he's a "dry" drunk now. And the fact he gets some of the estate, even though he didn't see his son for 24 yrs...the law says with no official will, all family members share the estate...including absent ones. And of course he is pleased with that.Im not, I resent his presence in my life, and in the lack of interest in my brother. As you see I struggle still with issues. I've fallen off those steps. All were choices that I didn't make, yet have to suffer from. Im trying to chose to be not bitter, but better. And it 's not easy..but I'm trying...thanks friends from alanon...hugs...kat
Please accept my sympathies . . . what an awful, terrible disease . . . and so painful for family members (you!) to deal with.
A man who lost his brother to addiction told me he thought death was the true addicts bottom. I tend to agree. When my A binges, his disease is so far progressed that he is near death. After his most recent binge of several days he spent a week in the hospital. I know several people that have died from addiction in recent months. It is so, so sad.
Thank you for sharing, I felt like I got to know your brother a little bit.
thank you all for your sympathy...and it is good to see people I used to chat with long ago...I have returned to alanon meetings, and chat here, so I hope to see my "old" friends again along with the new. Michael was a very special person...even if no one truly understood his addiction, I could see past it. I'm dealing with all kinds of issues, including the father, who came back into my life, the memories he brings with him..bad ones...he's a "dry" drunk now. And the fact he gets some of the estate, even though he didn't see his son for 24 yrs...the law says with no official will, all family members share the estate...including absent ones. And of course he is pleased with that.Im not, I resent his presence in my life, and in the lack of interest in my brother. As you see I struggle still with issues. I've fallen off those steps. All were choices that I didn't make, yet have to suffer from. Im trying to chose to be not bitter, but better. And it 's not easy..but I'm trying...thanks friends from alanon...hugs...kat