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Well the usuall. 14 yo sleeps thru her 2nd day in a row of school. 13 can't get up but by some HP makes the bus. The kicker is my 9 yo grunted and thrashed upon trying to get him up, when I finally made any progress.
This is usually a sign of something bothering him. The last two times he acted like this something was up. The first time, was when the A went ballastic w/ me talking about divorce. He slept w/ her that night and I'm almost positive she said something because he wouldn't wake up but would only try to hold each of our hands like he was holding the marraige together. The 2nd time was after we had the intervention w/ my A's psychiatrist. At the last minute my son didn't want to go. He ended up writing a letter to the dr. which he asked that I nor my A read. That night in the middle of the night he awoke and was yelling, and jumping around the bed and I had the same reaction getting him up.
Monday, my son went to an Alateen meeting. He almost didn't go. I told him, nobody should make you feel bad about going to a meeting, he replied "like mom?" He has recently been sleeping on the couch in the living room opposite the couch I'm on. This is progress. We have had a hard time w/ this but my A encourages him to sleep w/ her. Last night was the third time my A confronted me about him not sleeping in the bed, accusing me of saying something to him. Not that it's important but all I've told him is asked him where he was sleeping. My A has been told my countless dr's and counselors that he needs to sleep in his own bed.
Last night when I came home from the store he was in bed with her. He asked me to come in and sit on the bed. My a was asleep / passed out I asked that he come out of the room as I didn't want to awake a. He did, he seemed torn on where to sleep. His sister asked if mom made him feel bad and he said 'kinda'. Today when he finally got up and I was asking why he didn't want to go to school he pointed to a to a family portrait on the wall. He said I miss mommy, K and L. I told him well mommy is working, K is asleep and will sleep the day away and L is in school so he might not see them but they wouldn't be home with him.
I'm not very good at detachment when it comes to the A's actions affecting the kids. Of course my lack of detachment affects the kids and I need to work on it.
I kinda when off on the A I started ok, but really needed duct tape. I asked her if she would please stop sucking the kids into this downward spiral. She asked what she did. I wasn't about to get into it. Also I know if I told her, she'd run back and the kids would suffer the consequences. I told her, you either know what you did, or were too drunk to remember, which is it's own issue. Then the volcano opened. I asked her why she is telling everyone she got this job to help w/ bills. She said that she did. I told her I didn't believe her. She went from being disabled to not being able to work to a job in 2 to 3 weeks when her source was cut off. I told her why I hoped that she would use the money for xmas, I couldn't expect it because she lies. :(
The last thing when I finally raised my voice I was leaving the parking lot. Hopefully she didn't even hear it. I find it so difficult to keep it all inside when she sucks in the kids. She even tried to blame my kids going to alateen as a reson she is drinking again to them.
I was able to get past it. I felt almost serene within about 10 minutes of the exchange. Which is small progress for me.
thanks for the vent,
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
It's all nuts huh? I gotta hand it to you for being there for your kids though. You seem to be a "push me-pull you" between the A and the kids. They will eventually realize what is happening, and understand about manipulation, especially if they go to alateen. Hang in there buddy!! It is very hard when A's involve the kids. We have instincts to protect them, as we should. Some things they can learn on there own, but if you can prevent emotional damage, by all means do so.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Bob!!! Wow I read your post and all the co-dependency tendencies I have KICKED RIGHT IN...LOL I want to come over and get your kids up for school, so you don't have the stress. LOL (I have an 18 yr old that is starting the morning thing with me)
Anyway your making progress if your expressing yourself in an effective way, every once in while I am so proud of me when I do that, then there will be a slip, then I am back on track. It is hard to change something if we have been doing it for a long time. Be gentle with yourself, it takes time. Remember we are not perfect, we are a work in progress. Hang in there.
I Think you are making great progress :) A parent needs to protect their children and speak up for them in my opinion. Afterall, they are only children. You are the rock in their life now and they need you to be the consitent one who will be there for them and be the stable one. I see you doing such a good job of this! I remember a counselor telling me years ago to not get in the middle of my kids and their dads spats (dry drunk behavior) unless it was a safety issue. I remember telling my kids NO one had the right to hit them, not even their dad. This was hard for me to say but I said it. He never hit them but his anger/rage was scarry enough for them to think he was going to. When they got older they did know how to deal with their dad and I did not have to be in the middle. But when they are young, we still need to be their protector and advocate. AT least that is what I learned and tried to do :) Keep up your excellent work. cdb :)
