The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When I told my A after a binge,that he needed to commit himself to a long term alcoholism program of some sort, he thought I meant he needed to be commited to a 6-month re-hab. And he kept saying there was no way he'd do that (he's been in about 4 re-habs since our relationship started 21 yrs,ago!) and would rather stay in a motel (the option I gave him). I had meant he needed he needed to commit to AA meetings or whatever for long-term as opposed to going and then quitting after a couple of months. Jeez! For crying out loud! ai explained and now he he comes over this morning being his usual nice self of late, even making reference to a guy he saw yesterday who reeked of alcohol. I cannot get though to him yet! Jeez! jaja
If some of this stuff wasn't so serious, it would be pretty comical....
To see a man, who has been in and out of treatment four times in twenty years, still not having addressed his addiction issues - and his first thought is "the negative impact of 4 months away at treatment".... sheesh....
I hate this disease.
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
God grant you the serenity to accept the things you can not change;
THe courage to change the things you can
and the WISDOM to know the difference.
There are some powerful meanings in that little prayer that is often said before of after all alanon meetings.
We are powerless over alcohol. We can not make someone seek sobriety, or a program. Either drinkin/using or not. You know yourself, the only reason you probably reached the point in your program that you have is because you WANT it.
Alcoholics make some pretty rotten choices. I find that when I try to make decisions for my husband, if they go wrong, he can blame me (and does!). For that reason, I butt out. I have the serenity to accept the things I can not change (my husbands addiction) and the Wisdom to know what I can and can't change.
When I feel as powerless as your post sounds, I know that I have some work to do.
What's so weird to listen to is the denial. He's not only been in those re-habs but he was a devoted member of AA, then he'd quit, relapse, go back to AA,etc. In the past several months he'd been helping the daughter of our friend - she's a drug addict and he was trying to get her into re-hab. He said that in helping her, he feels like he's helping himself. It made him feel good to try and help this girl start kicking her addiction. He most often admitted to being an alcoholic though sometimes he'd say he was "alright". What's so funny is that he'd been sober for 3 yrs. up until this past month. And after those 2 binges, his frame of mind went directly back to where it was long ago - denial. Jeez!....jaja
Hello JaJa, am wondering what your doing for yourself as far as recovery goes. are u attending f2f meetings for yourself ? I sure hope so. You keep saying he dosent hear you , thats cause he isn't interested in your solution. YET - you never know when things will change but I have learned a few things here and one of them is
THE MORE I TRY TO OPEN SOMEONES EYES , THE MORE THEY CLOSE THIER EARS.
Keep the focus on yourself you are the only one that u can change. Perhaps he will follow u into Sobriety. good luck Louise
They (A's) have gone to same schools and seminars. They won't "see" what we are talking about. However I found when I started taking care of me and I quit interupting my HP's work, my A started seeing what he needed to see. I have let go of his battle, it is his, I have to remind myself of the three C's, I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it. I can however take care of me better everyday. Hang in there. It seems when we stop giving them instructions they have to figure things out themselves.
Aron