The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was big time into partying back in the late 1980s/very early 1990s. Once our son came along in 1992 and I knew I couldnt continue going to bed at 5am to wake up at 6am with an infant. I went to AA and cleaned myself up.
However my A husband never quit/cut down on drinking. We both stopped the cocaine as I stopped shelling out the money. (Oh what we could have had if we had that money!)
I feel like Im fighting the disease once again. It will always be with me.
I don't know is this is exactually what you mean, but I relate.
I went to AA for help for myself in October of 2001. After months of being sober I met this guy, who had been sober for 6 years!! He became my friend and my rock. He was the very last person I would have ever thought would go back, otherwise I wouldn't have started dating him. I came to this site in September of this year because he started drinking again in January 2005 and has slowly been consumed by his disease. I'm finding myself affected by this disease again by his use and my actions and reactions to him. We are both sick. I never thought I would see these days again. I thought when I walked into AA I was leaving this all behind. You never know what's ahead on your journey. I don't want this crap in my life, but unless I choose to leave, I have no control of his behavior. It's tough. I want to leave because I don't want to live like this anymore, I've had enough. But I'm scard to leave because I love this man when he is sober. It's scary because there are no guarentees.
I hope you didn't mean that you are affected again by thought of using yourself. Your right though, as long as you live with someone who is using, this will always directly affect your life.
I have learned that my past is my past. I know that I don't want it anymore, but this last year I went out a couple of times, the same people I use to party with years ago were there, I started to get sucked back in. I made the decision then that I can't just hang out with them, I want to stay out all night and party. I know that I don't want that life, I want a better one, which means I can't just hang with those people. I work at a treatment center and heard a client say one time "If you change your playground you also have to change your playmates" HOW TRUE I FIND THAT. Read lots about addiction, I found that I wasn't so much an addict to alcohol and cocaine, I was so co-dependent that I picked up the addiction those close to me were wrapped up in. Hang in there.
