The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
That's normal. I bawled my eyes out when my A went into rehab. Part of it was stress. Another was relief that he survived to get there. Another part was anger for him hurting himself and me. You'll run the gamut of emotions when they are active and when they are in their first year of recovery. Give yourself time. You'll learn how to handle it. Hang in there.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Changes are hard. Even changes for the better. We get so use to living a certain way that when it changes it becomes upsetting. Remember it's just a feeling, feel it...acknowledge it, journal about it.....does the change scare you, make you uneasy, make you lonely, or not needed...? Work through the feeling....Hang in there....
I think it is that I am so far detached. I feel like just a shell around him. Past behavior has taught me about broken promises and empty words. I don't trust anymore. I don't even feel anymore w/him.
Me wanting to cry is a lot to do w/my frustration of not even wanting to be here. Not wanting to try right now w/our marriage. Frustration of wanting him out of the house and him not listening to me.
I also know I am stressed out because of a potential upcoming conflict this weekend when his sponsor and I have our mini intervention about him leaving the house.
I relate so much to just wanting him gone and not even caring anymore. He comes home and it's like an instant wall comes up and he's affectionate and I am numb. I don't want to hear anything he has to say and I look at him like a stranger. I know he is hurting but I don't really care. He yells and I yell back. It's really like I have given up on the whole thing but I'm not ready to go anywhere. I want him to leave but he won't.
I'm sorry you are going thru this and I wish you the best of luck this weekend.
I cried too. I cried when he said he was going into detox, when he went in and then when he got out. I then cried when he started IOP. It's normal, the emotions are so confusing and so jumbled. The hurt, the anger, the not trusting.
