The material presented
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gotten so use to husband calling in sick that when he doesnt feel good on a Sat I wonder if he'll call in sick on Mon - has a doctor apt Tues afternoon so I wonder if instead of just leaving work early he'll blow off work completely that day
I need to stop living negatively in the future and just deal with the day Im in - anyone else find themselves like this?
Your husband has his own God/HP who will take care of him. How about you? What are you doing to take care of yourself? I used to do the same things...worry, manipulate, control, etc. I was not taking care of myself. I know it is difficult but try and keep the focus on what you are doing for yourself. The only person who can change your husband is himself. It's difficult watching someone slowly giving up on life. I will keep you in my prayers.
My A got ugly Friday because the entire families presence was requested and a pyshiatrist appt moved up to Saturday morning.
She was already threatening divorce and when she is talking like that, she is usually running around sucking the energy and hope out of the kids by including them in those conversations directly. I spoke to my two children who understand there is a disease in the house and Mommy doesn't always act like Mommy because of the disease. They thought it best if we bolted to their Aunts. This worked out because I could pick up my Sis in law and bring her up for the appt (she has no trasnportation).
We went to the appt after much drama (probably worth it's own post, LOL, I can laugh now). My A was very angry. In the end all of my children went down especially with my cousin home visiting.
I did this out of total fear. Fear for what the kids would hear from the mouth of my A, directed at them or her. Sunday she was pissed because I wasn't coming home early enough. I had to take her out to get pants for her new job. My one daughter said, "good luck on that car ride". I braced for the worst.
The bad part to me for this weekend was the fear and running. I vacilated as to whether this was projecting and running or purely a protect my children mode. Also, the psychiatrist said requested a few things of me which were in direct confilct with working my program. I complied with a few of those things.
The good pard is, I did work some parts of my program well. Staying calm in the face (literally) of my A calling me SCUM. Replying properly and calmly, "I'm sorry you feel that way". There were two requests of the psych that I did not comply with. When I came home, despite my fear I acted very well.
My A had cooked dinner so I could get her out to the store early. Now I could have questioned her motives, she is only cooking because it benefits her. But that wasn't really important. I thanked her for making it. I complemented her on the nibbles I stole. I offered to eat later so we could get to the store as her chief complaint was she was tired. She later said, "I feel bad for making you leave and not eat since the dinner came out so good." No martyrdome, no look at me. I simply stated that it was my choice, not hers. She shouldn't feel bad for a choice I made.
We went out and all was civil and actually friendly. Everything I feared didn't occur.
We are programed to expect the worst and be happy when it's not. When that is the tool you have in your box, you use it. It's certainly not the worst tool in the world, it got us this far. This program thru our HP gives us new tools. Ones that if we keep trying, we just may find work better for the job. No more using a steak knife to cut a tree limb. We have a saw.
At least know you are self aware of doing it. Now a change is up to you if that is what you want.
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
I sometimes wonder about what my "A" does. But it takes so much energy to do that. What he does is what he does, and no ammount of my worrying can change that. I just have to let it go. And when I do, life is so much calmer.
Keep working the program.
Much Love,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
Yup, been there, felt that, hell, I even booked holidays for days cause I "knew" that something would go wrong.
However, I found Alanon, worked the shit out of the program, now I only care what He does if it is going to directly affect me, or if there is something that I can do to change the situation. If not, I let it go.
I work daily on staying in the present. It is hard, but when I find myself looking at history or being in fear of tomorrow I have to tell myself. There is nothing I can do about the past and my father use to say....never fear tomorrow for God's already there....it seems to help. If it doesn't I work hard on let go and let God. Keep working it, it's hard but can be done. Worrying about things we can't control make us crazy!!! Hang in there.
