The other night the ex calls me, we have been separated for almost three months now. Obviously has a few drinks in him, not drunk though. We had a long talk, he says he is hating the way his life is now. That he is sick and tired of being sick and tired. That he wants his life back, he wants to come home. That he is not functioning at work and feels sick all of the time. He says he will stop drinking this weekend meaning that today, Sunday, would be the last day. (by the way, I kept my mouth shut but didn’t believe it)

I tell him that as long as he is drinking we will never be together again, and that is my choice since it is my life. He calls me tonight just to talk and I can tell that again he had been drinking. He says to me “when can I come home, I am beginning to feel the reality of not having you” & “when can I move back in” I miss you being next to me at night, blah, blah, blah. I again explained that as long as he is actively drinking don’t even think about it because it’s simply not going to happen. That it didn’t take him a week or two to get to where he is and it’s not going to take a week or two to get back to where he should be. I said that “I felt” he should get into a program, be it AA, group counseling, private counseling, whatever. That just because he is not going to drink doesn’t mean that the same underlying issues are going to go away, they won’t. That until he is sincerely trying to get better for himself, not for me and not for us, but for the benefit of his own life, we can’t be together. Well, I guess to him this was a demand on my part, an ultimatum and how dare I have any thoughts on how he should handle anything. He got real nasty, real fast. Said he won’t go to any counseling, he doesn’t need it he can do it on his own. Told me to forget about ever getting back together with him and hung up. Well…..a half hour later he calls back, now pretty well drunk. Tells me that my problem is that I have control issues and that if I am not in control I am not happy. That I am the one who needs to get a grip. I just said you are drunk and I won’t talk about it, you are drunk why bother. Again he hung up on me. Hasn’t called back again and I certainly won’t be calling him, I don’t call him very often as it is. Other than being an alcoholic, what the hell is his problem? Does an alcoholic feel that if they go for help then they have to be held accountable at some point for their own actions? Is that so horrible??

I am doing my weekly counseling and doing my weekly al-anon and learning a lot I think. Still far from an expert but standing by what I believe in and what I believe is the best for me. I am still new to this, it has only been a couple of months but I know that I won’t allow myself to be living with the crap I lived with before and I guess that doesn’t go over well with him. It feels right for me though and that’s a good feeling. Any thoughts anybody?? Sure could use some opinions here. Thanks.

hadit