The material presented
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Okay this is something that is new to me, I have a few questions and I thought maybe someone might be able to enlighten me.
Okay I understand that I am not supposed to worry about him, only me, and I am. I am doing whatever I can to take care of the kids and I. I am not obsessing about him, in fact today I went shopping for materials for memory quilts I am making as Christmas Gifts for several people. I went shopping with a girl I work with and we had lunch together, then returned here to work on the quilts. (She is an excellent sewer and I am a better photographer and am better on the computer, so we are combining our talents.)
My husband called from Detox this morning, he could only talk for a few minutes, but he was friendly and sounded very upbeat. He told me he would call tomorrow evening and asked me if I could pick him up on Monday. The Detox he is in, releases them and takes them to their first IOP session (it is at a different location). I will be picking him up from there.
He suprised me by calling again this evening. This time he asked to speak to the kids. When they gave the phone back to me, he asked if I would still pick him up, I said of course, that I had told him I would. He said he would call me tomorrow night. He sounded very down tonight. He said goodnight, I said night, I love you and he said yeah and hung up.
I realize this is his fight, that he must do it alone. In the past he has chosen programs where they cater to him and baby him. This is a State program, and no frills and it seems like no nonsence. There is daily urine tests, and he is required to have a temporary sponsor by the end of the first week. If he chooses to continue in it, he will not be able to play them, and have them continue to pay.
He will be returning to his parents house as the insurance or the county will not pay for a halfway house, and I am not willing for him to come here at this time. He will have a tough road to travel with that, his mother is not going to make recovery easy for him, in fact she will fight him all teh way, but maybe he will learn to stand up to them, who knows. Again that is his issue, I can't do it for him.
I have decided against getting the second job, he is going to be outpatient, and there is a job available, so he is capable of helping support his children. He has my full support, but I will not baby him or feel sorry for him, I also will not kick him while he is down. He knows he has my love and support, but anything else will take time. Now is not the time to worry about our marriage, it is here, I'm not going anywhere and it has waited many years it can wait longer. He has to worry about himself and getting sober. But I will not accept him not accepting his financial obligations to me and the kids.
I am one of these people who likes to know what I am dealing with. I research everything!
I read all Alanon literature and any books available, I also read any publications and articles, non Alanon approved. I believe that being educated in something is important. I am also continuing to work my own program, even more so.
My question may seem dumb to some, but there isn't a lot published about this. What exactly happens in detox? I know what happens in rehab, but that is a long term program, detox is only several days and then he will be back around. Any input on what I may be in for would be appreciated.
I am not looking for miracles, in fact I have no expectations. It's just, well the devil you know, is easier to understand.
It is not a dumb question. I can not tell you what it is though, lol.
What about calling where he is and just asking? I don't mean telling them that your husband is there and you want to know what he is doing. But just calling up and asking the place he is what happens in detox.
I hope that helps.
Much Love,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
Jeannie, if you don't find anyone on this board with detox details, you may consider posting your question on the AA board (if it's ok - I don't know the etiquette for jumping fences ;) ).
My only "experience" with detox is reading Dry:A Memoir by Augusten Burroughs. If you weren't a defacto single mother of 6 kids MAKING GIFTS for others (wow!), I would have recommended reading it. Take care -- Jill
From my A's experience when he relapsed detox is a 1 week experience. They dry you out, and then meet with councelors to determine what comes next. In my case we met with a councelor and decided that we would live apart. He went to the YMCA in the dorms. He was on the secure side where they have a curfew and will test if they are suspiscious. I'll level with you, the Y didn't work. After he crashed his car he decided to go into more structured living, i.e. halfway house. While he was in detox they were required to go to AA meetings that they had on the floor. Just call them. You're his wife, and they should just tell you about the process. If you do a google search and type in AMA, you might find something there.
I'm jealous that you can quilt. I can embroidery, but quilting has always given me fits. Now that the eyes are going (I refuse to get bifocals yet), I've started to teach myself to paint. I like to think of it as Modern Art! There is something so special about a homemade gift. Usually mine consist of some kind of cooking.
Happy quilting!
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I have to amitt the quilting is new to me. One of my girllfriends is a wiz with a sewing machine. She makes quilts and blankets all the time.
I have been seeing a lot of Memory blankets at craft shows lately and they are so pretty and so expensive. Photography is one of my hobbies, and my kids are my favorite subjects. I have done some T shirts for them, with their pictures on them and things like that, so when we saw the blankets at the shows with photos quilted into them, we decided to combine our talents. I am doing the photo work, and transfering it onto fabric and she is doing most of the quilting, I do the cutting and simple stitching. We finished one tonight and it really came out pretty. She is teaching me to do it more and more and I am teaching her photography. people where selling the blankets for over a hundred dollars and it cost us about 25 to make one. Plus we had fun.
I love homemade gifts. I love when I get cakes or cookie trays as I am not a great cook. We all have to use the talents we are given.
I'm pretty sure the detox is just to dry him out - depending on how much he has been drinking, and what else he is on, he could go into convulsions and so on if he just quits drinking. They monitor that, and give him meds if necesary.
I like the idea of letting him know you support and love him, but not babying him. It's hard to do. I remember, about a year ago, my husband and I went to a dinner related to his work. There were a lot of people there who he had started out in the company with, all of them now senior management. He is very much NOT in senior management, in fact has gone back to the job he did when he first started with the company. He got very depressed, and on the way home, started talking about how he had ruined his life - that there was just no way that the career he had spoiled through his drinking could be salvaged. It was the first time he realized, I think, that there were some things that just could not be put right through sobering up - he's not 25 anymore, and the chances he drank away are gone for good. I was so tempted to try to gloss over it, to put a good face on it, as I have done when he was depressed so many times before. But, because of alanon, I didn't. This is the reality he has made for himself, and he needs to face it. Instead, I took his arm, gave him a little hug, and we just walked home in silence. For me, that was a major breakthrough. I can not fix his life for him. I can love him, and that's all.
I too believe that Knowledge is power :) Your post sounds so wise and educated. You see to be on the right path to me :) Keep up the good work and let us know what you learn about detox. I know an accupuncturist here who does detoxing but that is with accupuncture needles and you lay there for a good hour and a half. That cleans the toxins out of your body, but I have a feeling that is not what your spouse is doing. Just wanted to share another form of detox. My daughter also had accupuncture and massage at her last treatment center for alcoholism. She is currently getting accupuncture for her anxiety which continues for her. The medications they have for it are addictive and she is also a recoverying drugaddict. I believe some detox places may use medications when the alcoholic/drugaddict needs them for intensive health risks too. Hang in and keep us posted. cdb :)
great question My boy friend has been in drug rehab for 3 1/2 wk now. its a 1yr long program. and I dont know what to do with my self.. he has to do this on his own.. But do I leve him. and go on with my life. because of the fear that he wont change and I put in 4 yr of my life. whatching go up and down, were is the line stop?
