The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Why do we struggle so with our feelings? Why do we work so hard to deny our emotions, especially concerning other people? They are only feelings!In the course of a day, we may deny we feel frustrated in reaction to someone who is selling us a service.We may deny that we feel frustrated, angry, or hurt in reaction to a friend.We may deny feelings of fear, or anger, toward our children.We may deny a whole range of feelings toward our spouse or the person with whom we're in a love relationship.We may deny feelings provoked by people we work for, or by people who work for us.Sometimes the feelings are a direct reaction to others. Sometimes people trigger something deeper - an old sadness or frustration.
####ROSIE.....i guess i fought with my feelings, cuz i was sick and tired of feeling crappy.....so i ate....drank....fantasized.....ran away ANYway i could to avoid having to feel bcuz for me?? feeling was sorrow....i had to "leave" to be happy......go to my "other life...my other world" to be happy...cuz this one was hopless i thought......now i am so much more open about my feelings.....like this example of someone trying to sell me a service, i got a call yesterday at work...while i was cleaning up the office from a lady who was "offering" something and i said immediately "is this a sales call becuz i want to tell you UP front i do NOT take sales calls..i dont want them" she said "oh NO" and i said "ok, than you are giving me something for free right??? no charge right??? no money out of our pocket right???" and than she says "well its a 30 day trial, yada yada yada" and i says to her "then i pay right???" she says "yes, after a thirty days trial we bill yoru credit card"......well i got mad!!! i told her "than what u just did was lie to me.....you said this was NOT a sales call..(she was REAL firm on "no sales call" reply)........and i tell you the definition of a SALES call is when U give me something and i give U money......THAT is a sales call and i do not buy from people who cannot even be honest with me" she began to try and do "damage control" but i cut her off...i told her i was dismissing her as being UNtrustworthy and i don't waste my time on UNtrustworthy people...... when i ASK is this a sales call?? and they are honest about it i am much nicer when i turn them down....but the ones who TELL you, "no this is NOT sales call" and they ARE sellling something....i really let them know what i think of their BS........i don't hide ANYthign any more...if my loved ones trigger feelings?? i talk to them about it....ihave been SOO burned by stuffing my feelings, i learned the awful harm i did to ME, by stuffing, i don't stuff anymore...if someone angers me?? hurts me??? frustrates me?? or brings up old triggers??? i talk to them about it.....it keeps the step 4 work i have to do down....it keeps things in balance...it keeps me level on what i am feeling........now SOMETIMES i do "shoot first ask ???s later" i DO get defensive when i "smell" an insult...and than i am "back at ya"...but i am improving on that.....i am doing better with just stopping the insulting people dead in their tracks with boundaries.....and decide what or where i want to go with the relationship, if i even want to.......
Regardless of the source of our feelings, they are still our feelings. We own them. And acceptance is often all that is necessary to make them go away.We don't have to let our feelings control our behavior. We don't have to act on each feeling that passes through us. We do not need to indulge in inappropriate behavior.It does help to talk about our feelings with someone we trust. Sometimes we need to bring our feelings to the person who is triggering them. That can breed intimacy and closeness. But the most important person we need to tell is ourselves. If we allow our feelings to pass through us, accept them, and release them, we shall know what to do next.Today, I will remember that feelings are an important part of my life. I will be open to my feelings in family life, in friendships, in love, and at work. I will feel my feelings without judging myself.
######ROSIE.....yes, i OWN my feelings...they are MINE.....in the old horror days, my perp even robbed me of my feelings...but that was then...this is now...i CLAIM what is mine and nobody is going to take away what God gave me as my BIRTH right!!!!!! and yes, i am aware....i accept.....i act if necessary......like above, sometimes acknowledging and accepting is all i got to do....admitting i am sad or whatever.....i do have intense feelings...and when things unpleasent happen, i DO let the feelings go...i OD have to feel the feelings, but now i can sit and wait till they are over with , THAN decide what to do...i am more in control than i ever was with my behaviour and i know it will get better......and this is true, JUST becuz i have the feeling...it is MY choice whether or not to ACT upon it.........when i get incomming data to my brain---something happens.........i FIRST perceive..........THAN i feel............THAN i ACT!!!! i am learning to CHANGE the "perception" part so i get better feelings.....cuz the action is based on the feelings, that occured due to the perception...and bcuz my perception was SO screwed up / negative...of COURSE i am gonna get negative feelings, and REact negative.....now?? i ask myself "how important IS this???" case in point...last night i go to get my meds and i pay 3x more than i did in sept, cuz the Save on Drugs tell me my ins. drug discount thing expired????? well , ok, i need the meds...they are still cheaper than used to be.....so i say "ok is this life threatening???? is this a crisis???? is this someting that i need to feel threatened with????" and the answer is NO!!! so i call my ins rep who is a dear friend and i tell her what happened and would she please check it out on monday and that was that........when the data came in...higher bill...........perception was "ok this sucks, but not life threatening, and CAN be resolved"......feelings were "slight annoyance/ irritation...........action was "call my rep...ask to get it straightened out"..........case closed and put behind me.........i DO talk about my feelings....i DO allow them/ own them/ honour them.....i feel....i accept...i take care of me...i release........expressing my feelings is doing wonders for my nerves.....i know feelings are just that...they are not necessarily fact.....just emotions created by my perception of something stimulating them.....thank you DONE
