The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm a little torn on this. And that fact that I am speak volumes to how early I'm in my journey of recovery.
The A called me today. She got a part time job.
My first thought was ugh....well now she'll have plenty of money to drink. Another thought I had was, resentment based. Sure you couldn't look for a job when I said we needed to cut expenses and/or increase income, but now that you don't have any money to satisfy your whims and complusions. I didn't express any of this nor did I show it. I was on the phone so my facial expressions couldn't give it away. Then I honestly wished her luck.
I was able to get passed those initial reactions. I managed to not get angry, and was able to quell, any building resentment over her not trying to get a job in the past.
Interestingly enough the last time she got a job was a right before her breakdown where she went inpatient. One of the things she has kept saying is that it made her feel less or inadequate not having any control over anything. Not to dwell on her issues, just trying to understand them to help me have compassion.
I've made sure that I've congradulated her and/or wished her luck. Maybe this will be good for her. Maybe it won't. I can be supportive because I was able to put aside my resentment and fears over it. They still creep back but they are much easier to give up, when you catch them early.
Thanks, Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
Bob - think you will have to turn this over to your HP. and continue to work on you. You are doing great, but the rollercoaster continues for all of us with active A's.
Hugs, Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
We all feel resentment and feel that anger creeping in. Learning why it happens is half the battle. If we can understand and accept why we feel as we do, we don't need to react all the time.
No matter what your initial reaction was, you wished her luck with it, and she didn't see the reaction. That is a great thing.
Keep doing what your doing. keep taking care of yourself.
Recognition is the first step Bob, and you seem keenly aware of your feelings when dealing with your A.... The fact is, if she is gonna use, she's gonna find a way, with or without the job.... If she's gonna stay sober, she's gonna work through that, with or without the job....
Give yourself a pat on the back, and declare this "be nice to Bob day". You are doing great...
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
