The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was abandoned by my mother before my first birthday.
Since then, I have always wanted a big do on my birthday. Kind of a validation that people are glad that I am alive.
Every year (before this one) I expected people to remember, and to make a big fuss.
I was always dissappointed. I would never remind anybody, or tell them what I wanted. I always hoped that they would just know what to do for me if they loved me.... how sick!
This year, I started telling people 3 weeks ahead of time. I planned my own birthday party, and reminded people over and over. kindly, not arrogantly (at least I don't think so)
I was treated EXACTLY how I had hoped all these years.
My work mated invaded my office when I wasn't there and filled it full of decorations. I was taken to lunch, I had confetti thrown on me, phone calls and emails all day.
When I got home, my husband and his aunt were waiting with champagne, and we ordered pizza. the kids drew me a gazillion pictures, tied baloons to my chair, kissed me like crazy, went to bed with no prodding...
I had more phone calls from friends that I didn't even know knew my birthday was yesterday. AND NO GIFTS!! And that was perfect. I would rather people tell me that they love me, (that is harder anyways, right?? Still a little sickness in me, i know...LOL)
Point of the story:
When you want something, let people know your expectations. They can't meet them if they don't know what they are. Does that make sense? I of course hoped that my b-day would be cool, but didn't have any expectations (well, not many) I felt like a million dollars yesterday!!
I just thought I would share that with people who know exactly what I am talking about. My husband has no clue..LOL
(((Aron))) happy birthday! the no expectations thing has held true for me, too. i'll spare you the details (lol) but in planning my wedding I had so many things going on I didn't have time to get into the details of colors, flowers, food, etc. so i gave just general guidelines to the caterer, florist, etc and just trusted it would be taken care of, even though my mother nagged it would never be to my satisfaction if i didn't dictate all the details. result: i had no expectations going in, and when i saw what everyone had done it was more beautiful than i could have imagined or planned for myself. what a lesson in letting go and letting god. so glad to hear someone else had a similar experience. it's so hard to explain sometimes, but it's like magic when you experience it, isn't it? :) - Hope
Aron - way to go in taking care of you, AND having a wonderful birthday!!!
As for the portion about expectations: When you want something, let people know your expectations. They can't meet them if they don't know what they are. Does that make sense? I of course hoped that my b-day would be cool, but didn't have any expectations (well, not many) I felt like a million dollars yesterday!!
That one scares me a bit.... I think a lot of us, a lot of times, make our "expectations" abundantly clear to our active A's, only to be continually disappointed.... Maybe you meant for the proverbial "normies" out there....
Regardless, I'm really pleased it worked for you, and you deserve a wonderful birthday party!!
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Happy Birthday To You,,,doo doo doooo Happy Birthday to you doo doo doooo, Happy Birthday dear friend of mine/captcodee :), Happy Birthday to you,,,,:) Tons of confetti thrown on you at this very moment from me to you, dancing lady :) Hope it was the best! Mine is on Saturday and I have fun filled day planned! Yep, I learned to plan for fun myself years ago and if any of my family wants to come along,, fine :) Way to take care of your Aron! whooooohoooo :) cdb
Your post made my eyes well up! I am so happy for you. I had a similar experience this year....it is wonderful to be validated as a person! To feel warm and fuzzy!!!! You deserve it, and ya know your right if we don't let people know what we expect how can they do what we need them to do for us!!!! I think this may apply to every part of our life. I think this may apply when it comes to our HP, if we don't ask how can we receive? Thank you for such a wonderful lesson!!!! AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
Every year, my mother would tell me the story of my birth in great detail... how she went to the hospital & the doctor's sent her home... & she told them I was coming that night, all the nurses & her Dr. sd "no way" - go home. Sure enough I was born that same night, near 2 am.
My b-day is on the 23rd, so I get excited about my b-day all month long & I do talk about it for three weeks, in a happy & enthusiastic way.
I always consider birthdays, Your own personal New Year, as it is Your "Special Day".
You are abslutely right, no one can read your mind & what's the point of being passive aggressive? Asking for what you want, at least gives you the possibility of being able to get just that!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! Did I mention I LOVE birthdays? I also like to read some astrology - so ur b-day is 11-16? I have a Birthday book right here, it says, November 16th is called The Day of the Boss (nice! I like that).
love, -K
Incidentally my b-day is 3-23 & is called The Day of Curiosity
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Mine was this past Sunday. I wrote it on the work calendar - a few coworkers had cards, pens, bought me coffee. I took my son away for the weekend. Booked myself a massage that I mostly paid for with $ from husband and mother. Had a coupon for a birthday cake at dinner so yes ppl sang Happy Birthday to me.
A friend of mine not only bought me gifts but a birthday cake! She lit the cake for me too, called my son over her house and they all sang Happy Birthday to me. Thank you Tammie
In 2yrs on my 50th I want to be on a cruiseship that I'll book myself.
Glad you had a great day! We all deserve happy days. I'm a big fan of "birthday weeks". You do something special for yourself everyday that week. Once we start to do that, why not turn it into a "birthday month"? Year? The point is to be good to ourselves even in the smallest way, every day we are alive.
Thanks for sharing your joy!
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
