The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night I started being a little "uncomfortable" with the fact that I haven't heard from my A since Sunday. Actaully as far as him contacting me it's been since Sat. I have to travel past the sober house in the morning to get to work, so I see he is there, but no call. This is new to me and I don't know how to feel about it. I am still sticking to my goals, still focusing on me, but I feel as if this is abnormal for a marriage, although separated (not formally). I also have found myself wondering lately..."has he found someone else"....is this normal? I mean to feel like this? My A has gone from one woman to another in his life and this is not far off the mark as far as his track record is concerned. I know I shouldn't be worrying about him and I'm not as much woored as I am not in the market to have a bomb like that dropped on me.
Trust that miracles are being worked in your life. When things are tough at home, work, or with my A, I have started to believe that my HP is working miracles in my life. There is a greater good and it's okay if I don't know what that is. I have even gotten to where I have accepted that it may not be with my A. I love him and use to say all the time, "I can't imagine waking one morning without him next to me" now I awake and am grateful that he is there. Be gentle with yourself, stay in the present. We can not change yesterday or see what will happen tomorrow. Focus on you! This is such a good time for you to do little things for yourself. Hang in there.
What you're going through is soooo hard. I've sooo been there. My heart hurts reading your post. I have to say the truth to you, that the answers to the questions I had ended up being very painful for me. But I somehow got through it. It helped me to remember that my A was sick. I had to picture him with "Sick" on his forehead. It helped me to remember that my A has a disease that he cannot control. This disease seeks whatever company or surroundings that enable it to exist. This disease causes the person to act in ways that are abnormal, as you say.
It can help to focus on you. It can help if you can "Let Go" and "Let God". It helps to seek the path that our HP has for us and let go of worrying what path the A is on. You are important. Your life is important.
Hmmm... debating on how much of a smart-ass I want to be with this response, lol....
A couple of thoughts..... One is that you haven't seen or talked to him since Saturday - and here you are.... a couple of concerns, but generally speaking, you are healthy and happy - allow yourself some time to congratulate yourself for that.... I'm sure there was a time, not so long ago, where you feared exactly what you are going through - and yet here you are, living proof that you are "making it".
On the infidelity thing?? My detached, unemotional response would be along the lines of "who cares?". I know, this is tough to really feel that way - but he needs to recover right now, and frankly, whatever he is doing, your worrying about it isn't gonna do a damn bit of good.... Take care of yourself, and the future, the answers to your questions/concerns, will come available when they come available....
Take care
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Feelings are feelings. With a history like your spouse has, the same feelings would probably enter my mind too. We need to take care of us. Can you talk to his counselor there and set up a family meeting or couples meeting? We were able to do that with my daughter. My spouse and I keep in touch often without a long break such as you are having. I do know that some treatment centers do not want them talking to their family for a certain period of time either and won't let them use the phone. I like when the treatment places work with the relationships too if they can. Keep working on you, reaching out and going to alanon meetings. ((((((((Kim)))))) cdb
Not so sure what the smart ass reply was but the one you sent was just fine...lol...You are so right about how there was a time when I never thought I could be where I am now...there were sooooo many times when I fought him leaving even though it was in my best interest. The anxiety and panic that would set in would feel insurmountable. But here I am. like you said doing just fine. I think what is hard for me right now is that in certain respects I can't just move on yet because I don't know where the marriage is going. I would rather know that he has moved on if that is the case so I can eventually heal and move on as well...I just don't want to delay that if that's what it is.
