The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i compleatly lost it.yet again my partner was moaning about my son [ who is 17 and a good boy but lazy] it was just abit too much for me . my temper escaped from me . normaly i am very laid back but it was just before i went to work . since i am the wage earner . i work hard but i can not do every thing. anyway there i was in full rant and rage slaming doors , etc. so there i was saying stuff to hurt most of which i can not remember it all spewed out !!. and then i went off to work and my normal day. i had scared him upset him damaged his fragile ego. lucky for me i like to tailk and i was given some very very good advice that if you love some one really love them then you can not choose their flaws. its not made to measure to please you and i should not blame the addiction for normal family problems .so i made the choice to say sorry to talk explain how i felt. when i arrived home he had drank a bottle of vodka and some strong strong larger . at this point we would have normaly rowed . but i still said sorry because i was .and we talked he was so upset to have taken a drink , to have upset me to put our relationship in peril . he so uncertain of my love for him , he is used to having women reject him. the only thing i reject is the damage alcohol can cause . so we talked what could have been a disaster turned into a blip in his recovery. but it took a day to come back to being sober . and he felt ill but i made him eat loads . so i learned and so did he . my temper has always been a bit firery and fierce but we all have flaws and he can not choose mine . the trick is to work on them . so thats where we are working gently together me my man and the higher power as we individualy belive in
Remember, you did not cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. You are not responsible for your partner's slip. Congratulations on the whole disaster turned to blip, scenario though!!
Try to remember to use this program as the valve for your bad feelings before they build up so they don't spill out at some inopportune time-- hurtful or angry things you think about situations in your life will not hurt the people here if you share them and then they are off your chest or out of your system and not in danger of exploding all over someone who is not equipped to deal with them (my most recent victim was the man at the cellular phone store!) or is emotionally attached to you and may be damaged by the explosion.
I am also a big fan of writing things down that are bothering me and then ripping them to tiny bits or setting them [safely] on fire.
this is so difficult for me, 4-5 months ago, I sounded just the same, making excuses, telling my mother she was being too hard on her A.
Yes, their lives are so horrible & they think so little of themselves, they have no coping skills, so they drink & they are sorry.
I have acoa patterns, I feel un worthy, insecure, I'm too hard on myself, I have perfectionism, low self-esteem, I isolate myself, frozen feelings, over - responsibility, irresponsibility, fear of abandonment, fear & loathing of authority figures, controlling, caretaking, approval seeking, repressed &/or inappropriately expressed anger... YES, I feel that way too but just for today...
I willingly give You HP all of my resentments & negativity, as I do not want to stand in the way of Your divine plan!
I will change myself, control myself & (by the grace of God) cure myself!
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Accepting respnsibility for our own actions is a good thing. I'm glad it didn't turn out to be a horrible battle for the two of you.
No matter what you did or said; you did not cause him to drink. Just becasue someone upsets us, they are not to blame fr our actions. Walking on eggshells, will not ais him in his sobriety. He has to deal with things for himself. While alcoholism cannot be blamed for all regular family problems. Stress and problems will occur in any family, they cannot be blamed for every fall off the wagon.
Keep your own side of the street clean, but don't let others throw their stuff on your side.
I'm glad you are both back on the road to recovery.
