When the student is ready the teacher arrives...again.  Mahalo for the higher education lesson in my recovery Glad.  I learn from perspectives which come from different angles and this was one of them.  I read it and can her Dr. Paul's, "And I have found that acceptance is the solution to all of my problems..."     (((hugs)))

Hugs, Thank you very much for this share!!! It is a welcome relief today. :) Hugs P :)

Thank you - this is something I struggle with all the time and this is an insightful reminder that letting go really is ok.

My loving wife exited rehab this past weekend. She is in a good spiritual space, but tired from the 6 weeks of intensive. Once the 24 hours of relief and euphoria passed me I immediately regressed to "watching, worrying and controlling".  When in treatment she was certain that she would exit, stick to her morning meditation, reading and yoga.  But the fact that she wanted to do nothing but sleep and talk about "other things" annoyed me. Of course I lost it & challenged her, which I now regret. Harsh words followed and although I have apologized for invading her space, working hers instead of mine, etc I have tremendous guilt. Although I am reading, seeking out my Higher Power, I cannot put behind me the sense of letting myself as well as my wife down. The fact is, I need to keep improving on letting go and letting God.  I will continue to look to my Higher Power to lift this pain from me, because I am learning that nothing was accomplished yesterday by my interference, other than adding more resentment

Welcome Bill Alanon meetings, a sponsor and the Steps helped me to let go of the destructive tools I had found as I attempted to cope with the dreadful disease of alcoholism. These tools do not work and hampered my growth.

You have made an appropriate amends for your actions, please learn to be gentle with your self, forgive yourself and move forward.

I do hope you are attending alanon meetings as it is here that our own recovery will flourish.
Keep coming back

I'm struggling with letting go of my controlling and enabling behavior! My son is in California, I am in Mississippi. He just got out of jail (two months for possession) and is back on the street. He called and said he's ready for rehab, but hanging by a slender thread. All I can do is hope and pray that he calls. Please pray for him and for me.

Wow, something about this made me tear up and cry. It's so hard to understand that we can live through the pain and allow it to happen. It's part of trusting that HP's got this and that I can let him, too. So very hard for me to let go.

I was speaking to my aunt recently and she is a very wise woman and has done so much spiritual work on herself but just not with program. One thing she said to me recently is this, "B, when you wake up every single morning, let your partner(or whoever it is that you're trying to control or obsess over) go. Just let them go." I don't know if it was the way she said it or how it hit me based on the fears and obsessions I was having at the time, but I know I needed to hear it. We all know the saying, "Let go and let God", but this was different. I finally realized that I hold onto people too tightly and I do it to prevent my own pain and suffering but, in the end, I suffer anyway, because I haven't accepted the fact that I can't control anybody but myself and that people are going to do what people are going to do and that what they do is their choices, not mine.

My boyfriend and I were talking recently about how he doesn't react to other people's driving on the road. My XAH used to freak out about everything and everyone else on the road and had a comment for all situations that he felt affected him and his driving/commuting/speed/etc. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "B, how many steering wheels do I have? One right? How can I possibly think that I can change what other people do with their steering wheels? Millions of people on the road, but all I can control is how I drive my own car with my one steering wheel. I can watch what they do and react accordingly to prevent an accident but I can't take their steering wheel and control their vehicle." Wise words, and he has no idea how that helped me and how I was able to apply it to my own recovery, lol.

Welcome carolm - so glad you are here and glad you found your courage to share!

Welcome also to Bill - don't beat yourself over a slip - this program is about progress, not perfection. I've done this before - and when told or catch myself, just make my amends and move on.

It's so very hard to stay in our own lane, especially when everyone is new in recovery. But, it gets easier and easier as you practice and work on you!

Both - please keep coming back ... so very glad you are here!

Welcome Bill S and Carolm

((((( hugs))))

Hi Carolm. Praying for you to find your peace. As difficult as it has been for me over the past 6 months I have learned that no matter how much I worry, engage, fight or try to fix things it always boiled down to when my A was ready. When I felt hopeless and exhausted I gave up the fight and turned it over. It may seem selfish at first but I am taking the time now to breath for myself. My HP has taken the reins. I look to Him for clarity and amazing things have happened. Detaching with love is the key. Once my loved one felt the dignity of having her own free will she moved in the direction that I was praying for. Best wishes