The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband has been after me to take a loan out of the bank so he can buy a truck. Mind you he has the money but he doesn't want to give the person the cash. Well I told him to use the money that he has that I wouldn't be helping him. He has been pressuring me alot waiting for me to break. I am getting close to that time. However I am going to try really hard to to give in. Wish me luck.
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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
Hi ny, I have seen great progress in your postings, and am very glad you found yourself a sponsor. In reading this post, it comes to mind to remind you that you have choices, and if you dont want to get a loan for your A to get a vehicle, remember that "No" is also an answer, and you dont have to justify your reasons or what have you. A's can be quite manipulative, and they can seem to hit our soft spots for whatever they are needing at that time, using promises to get their way. I know as this happened to me over and over again only to have him revert back to his old ways after I gave in to what have you, and of course by then it was too late to change my mind. Go with your own mind weighing out the pro's and cons's of your decision, and always remember YOU have choices. Please protect yourself.....gardengal
I am so proud of you for writing every little struggle you are facing right now. It does me good to remember how chaotic things can get (and have been for me).
Most of the chaos was created by myself in my own head, and when I came here to do the exact same thing as you, much of that chaos settled down. :)
Do what you think is right. Hold the fort down, and keep coming back. You are good for me. :)
NY be strong, you are doing great. It will get easier every day with every boundry you make. I was told something lastnight that I already knew but, it was a light ball moment for me. Yvette you have the choice to say YES or NO. And along with the answer you will have a gain or a loss. What is your gain to saying YES to him and if you say NO what is your gain. Then do the reverse, If you say YES what is your loss and if you say NO what is your loss. kinda like the pros and cons thing, this is in no means edvice, just a tool I was given lastnight that might work for me.
Good luck, You did mention that HE DOES have the money! Therefore there is NO need for him to ask YOU to put a loan in YOUR name at the bank. Remember you are is wife not his bank teller! It sounds like it is his issue. Not yours, again just my opnion, take what you like and leave the rest.
You hang in there with sticking to your boundaries. Sometimes some aspect of the boundary may change and that's okay. My A also tries to negotiate, bully me, minupulate, to get what he wants, it seems like at times I am dealing with a 2 year old that will throw a tantrum to get his way. I found this last year, he is my hardest person in my life to stick to my boundaries, but I am working hard at it....hang in there.
Just hold that ground, when he gets verbal try making your decision to say no your only focus..
Remember too, that if you take the loan out it will be in YOUR NAME and ultimately your responsibility. We aren't supposed to project ahead, but there are a lot of "what if's" in this case that need to be considered. You could be responsible for a host of ugly things you didn't sign up for and have no control over.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Aron in the Mountains