The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Things are going o.k. I'm just not in a good mood this week. My a hasn't gone to meetings this week because he is very busy with work. I understand this, but I am still frustrateda and scared, because when he doesn't go that gets his stinkin' thinkin' going again. He gets grouchy and depressed and although he's sober he still isn't fun to be around. Then after a while you wonder if he is sober maybe he started drinking and/or drugging again. I don't think he has done anything this week--but I can't be 100%sure.
He has been real quiet and withdrawn this week. He says it's because he is tired (from getting up so early every morning to go hunting). This really does make sense, but I'm having a hard time with my mind freaking out thinking it might be more or lead to more.
I know I can't help or stop him from whatever he is doing or going to do. IT's just that when he goes to his meetings and works at it, it is nice!!!
He and my son are really having a hard time. Actually we all are--with my son. My son has some form of Autism. They think it is closer to Asperger's. That is where a person has major problems in the social area of life. I teach my son in school and then I come home to him at night and this has been extremely difficult for me--I don't feel like I get a break. I have started singing with a group at my church, we have had a couple of practices, but I don't like leaving Caleb (my son) with anyone---he can be extremely difficult to handle. My ex makes sure my son has no respect for me or my husband (my a) this is proving to be very hard on us.
I just don't know what to do. I tried praying last night and handing it over to my hp, but I couldn't even find words for what I wanted, I just wasn't even sure what to say.
I know this was long and I'm sorry. I'm just really struggling and tired today.
When I need to pray for to my HP and can't find the words, I just say something like "Ok God," (my Hp is God, but use your HP) ,"You know hte desire of my heart, I can't find the words, but I don't need to because you know what is in me. Please Help." Something like that, it works for me, it may help you.
Have you gone to any meetings lately. Have you done anything for yourself? What about a bubble bath after your son is in bed?
Take care of you.
Much Love,
__________________
"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
God knows what is in our heart, even if we can't find the words. Opening my heart to God allows him to get in and see what I need, even if I don't know myself.
I just have to stay open, and allow myself to hear what He is saying. Trust, Faith, and willingness have proven to be the greattest things that I have to offer my HP in this program. HE knows better than I. (I just have to remember to keep an open mind! )
THank you all for the support and words and hugs and ideas!
I don't go to F2F meetings because there isn't one close enough to me. The closest one is 40 min away and the meetings are at 7:00 at night. I have kids and I can't be out that late--I don't have anyone to watch my kids and they go to bed at 8:00. So the support I get is from this website.
I have started with a group from my church--so that is for me. I do feel guilty when I leave my kids to practice--which so far has only been once. I am going to have to get over that!
Aron 