The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My friend I have known him for going on 17 yrs. He wanted to marry me as long as I have known him. He has been a big part of my life. Because he has been a part of my life a long time I have a hard time setting boundaries. My husbands doesn't trust him because he thinks he will take advantage of me. On Saturday he drove down to my house without calling an then he wanted to go some where. I ask my husband he said ok but he was problary upset. My parents have talked to me and have told me that it isn't a good idea to be hanging out with him. I am his only friend so I know it is going to be hard for him to take. I don't know if I am strong enough to set that boundary, but i am going to work on it. Because with my parents have know my friend as long as I have. So I am going to have to set these boundary. When we do go places he makes comments like "Oh I will leave you here" he is kidding but at this time of my life that is not cool. What I do say to him like I would my husband I will never be left alone I always will have people come for me. Whether it be friends or family someone will always come for me. I will never be alone. As I reading this post and talking to my parents I have realized that maybe I need to count back on talking to this one friend. I think he thinks that any time he wants to go somewhere that I will be ready to go. Since I am married I got to stop that. I am his friend not his girlfriend that he is dating. He is waiting for me to break up with my husband and then he thinks I am going to go out with him.
-- Edited by nycbt at 15:58, 2005-11-08
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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
I too have a friend that is male, that I have known for 15+ years. He too has expressed interests in myself, and knows of the situation with my husband whom I am seperated from for just over two months. I care deeply for this person and want him to be part of my life. I established a boundary right away. I told him that I needed to heal myself and the wounds I have gotten through my marriage are very deep. That I respect and want him to be part of my life, but has to accept that as far as I am capable of going is to be friends and that if any pressures were to be directed towards me at this time it would cause damage to our friendship.
My A is also very jealous of this man. I have tried to explain that we are friends and that he wasnt to make me choose between the two of them. On sunday night I had a revelation about the whole issue. My A was upset that my friend had called because he was having a bad day. Through about 15 mins of name calling and talking under his breathe, I finally said wait a minute....for years I have been upset with about 75-90% of the people you hang out with. Most of them your drinking/drugging buddies and you basically told me to p***off. I was upset with you hanging out with them and bringing that into our lives. I have a friend who provides me moral support, isnt abusive, spends time with my daughter and I because he wants to, doesnt ever put our lives in jeopardy. So in essence I told him to stop that he had NO right to judge me and ridicule me for my choices at this point because atleast my choices were sane!!
I dont know if this helps. I just read your post and thought of myself and decided to share my story with you
Hope all goes well.....the disassociating phase is so hard. I know as I am going through it too. It is hard to not pick up the phone, or go over. But I try.
