The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Friday evening when my A was on his way home, at 6pm!!!! I know what a shock, he shared how his buddy asked him to go with him on Saturday to look at a couple of snowmobiles. It is such hard work not to read more into things then there is. I immediatly thought..."Oh great, now the two drinking buddies will have one more thing to do together, one more thing to tie up his weekend." I tried hard to stop this way of thinking and even when I got home I was still irratated by their plans. I made plans for Saturday, errands and to help my mom out, she had that minor surgery and needed some tending to so she could shower etc. I stayed busy most of the day. He called home around 4 or so said he was leaving around 4:30, of course he didn't but wasn't too late after that, I think around 6 or so. I just kept thinking "Oh now they will have plans for all day Sunday, because these two are not going to let those two snowmobiles just sit there" but that wasn't the case, we got up Sunday, checked movie times, went to the movies and then grabbed some burgers on the way home so we could watch the second half of the football game. He put together a desk I bought for our room. I guess I was future tripping...LOL I did tell him that I am having a candle party next Saturday and I kind of figured he would have plans for the snow already falling in the mountains. I don't want to encourage him to go but I don't want to control his actions either. His friend said that these snowmobiles are like his convertible, we can borrow them anytime we want....so that is nice. It's just the constant hard work to unlearn certain things and learn new ways and new behavior. I know the hard work will pay off in the end. I was able to control what I was feeling and even told him that I can in no way compete with his friend when it comes to those kind of fun times. I was proud that I didn't lose my temper, blame him for anything, or act out like I had a year ago. Hard work will be worth the end result I truely believe.
Hugs Mary
PS Years ago, when my 2nd son was in Jr. High, a teacher told him "Pick the harder right over the easier wrong" That has been my reply in my brain this last weekend.....LOL
I had to identify my "hard work" as an investment.
Trust me, practice makes perfect. It may seem like hard work now, but it eventually becomes second nature to bud-out out and stop analyzing. Eventually I found a peaceful place of acceptance. Don't get me wrong, I still have days where I find myself looking deep into the simplest thing, but most days is pretty good. I can't take his inventory, and I can't change the way that he does things. (Don't want to anymore, then I get the blame if things go wrong )
Good job posting here when you feel like this, cause it helps to see the reality when you put it in words.
Unlearning old, unhealthy ways of thinking are not easy. Learning new healthy ways of thinking can be hard. But you are doing it. Remember progress not perfection.
I am so glad you had a busy, but good weekend.
Keep up the good work!
Much Love,
__________________
"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
Yep, nobody said that love was easy without the added stress of addiction. But I truly believe that it's worth it. Old habits die hard. But aren't you proud of yourself when you don't fall into the same old trap? I think of the hardest things in the world to do is to pat ourselves on the back. We are so good at praising other people, but to do it to ourselves is not easy. I don't have any problem taking the harder road, but there are days like today when I wish it would be a little less bumpy!
I'm proud of you Mary. Keep up the good work.
Live strong, Karilynn
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
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